


Stars and Saturn Rings

by furiouscatlover



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Homophbia, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Injury Soulmate, M/M, Misgendering, Past Relationship(s), Romantic Soulmates, Self Harm, Soulmates, Suicide, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Triggers, and kokichi has some sort of saturn ring around his head, college partying, femboy, shuichi has stars in his hair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-07-05 17:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 28,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furiouscatlover/pseuds/furiouscatlover
Summary: In a world where soulmates are connected by any injuries one had, the other would as well. A suicidal boy with hair like the night sky thinks there's no soulmate for him, until he meets another boy, with hair like saturn.(OumaSai/ SaiOuma AU)





	1. Designs

here are the designs, drawn by me uwu

uhhh shuichi wears his hat and they're in college i thinkkk thats it


	2. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self harm/ cutting warning!! please know that i love you and you are valid please dont hurt yourself ever

Light emitted from my hair as I sighed and looked over to my alarm clock. 5:59AM. I had been studying all night. Thank the lord I didn't have a roommate, they'd think I was insane. Or maybe I am.

I forced myself to get up and I turned off my alarm clock, which had started beeping. I walked over to my closet and pulled on a uniform, then styled my hair, stars and all. I huff angrily at the piece of hair that sticks up and the pattern. For some reason, I had weird stars in my hair. They glowed and flickered randomly. Maybe it's the reason my parents left me with my uncle.

I pulled on my hat and tried getting the sleepiness out of my eyes. I looked at myself in the mirror and frown at myself.

"I'm so ugly... haha," I say, then put all of the textbooks that were just on my desk into my backpack, and walk to class.

The professor smiles and greets me as I sit down. He was... really creepy. I shook off the feeling and prepared my notes. When everyone was settled, the professor started his lecture. I scribbled down my notes, then quickly left when it was done.

I had a free period now, so I settled down under a tree and started reading a book I had taken interest in.

"Hey, emo! Can you help me? This schedule is weird as shit!" I hear a childish voice ask me. I lower my book and see a small boy. There's no way he could be in college...

He had purple hair and very white skin. He wore a checkered scarf and some sort of straight jacket thing. The boy also had a very pure looking smile, but he had a mischievous glint in his eye. Finally, he had ring that wrapped around his head. It covered his eyes a little, but not by much. It was a beautiful, golden color.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer emo-chan!" The boy giggles and my face heats up.

"Ah, s-sorry. Um, what d-did you need help with?" 

"Nothing I just thought it would be nice to talk to someone, because everyone here treats me like I have the plague. Who knows, maybe I do!"

"Y-You could've just asked t-to talk..." I say, already done with this mysterious boy.

"But then it wouldn't been that fun~!" He grins. "So what's your name?"

"I'm Shuichi S-Saihara, Ultimate Detective," I sigh.

"Kokichi Ouma, Ultimate Supreme Leader! I'm going to rule the world one day!" Kokichi says childishly.

"U-Uh, I don't think that's p-possible."

"That's what everyone says! But it'll happen, I swear on it!" He pouts, then pushes the ring up so he can see better.

"How'd y-you get that?" I ask politely.

"Beats me. I haven't talked to my parents in foreeever!" Kokichi smiles, then takes my hat off.

"W-What the hell? Give it back!" I exclaim and try reaching for it.

"Why? You look so much better without it, Saihara-chan~! You're so pretty!" He purrs, to which I flush red. I snatch it away quickly and put it on.

"Please d-don't do that again," I mumble.

"Aw... fine! But you looked so cute, my love!" Kokichi feigns another pout.

We talk for a bit more until we reach an interesting topic.

"So, my beloved, who is your soulmate?" Kokichi asks me.

"Huh? Oh, I don't have one. A-At least one that I know of."

"Damn. Mind if I take you, then?"

"W-What?"

"Let's go out sometime! Maybe this weekend, say... Olive Garden? Saturday?"

"A-Alright..." I said, then the bell rang and Kokichi ran, turning once to look at me. He grins, then leaves.

I quickly leave for my next class. The day continues without much else, and I flop onto my bed in my dorm and cry. 

Why? Because I can't understand why someone, as pretty as Kokichi talked to me today. I walk to my kitchen and grabbed a knife. I rolled up my sleeve and cut. Blood began dripping from the wounds and fell to the floor. I felt some sort of rush inside me, which compelled me to keep cutting. I grin and continue. The pain felt good.

Then I heard a loud knock.

In a panic, I quickly grabbed a paper towel and cleaned up after myself, then rolled down my sleeve, put on my hat, and opened the door.

"What's up, bitch? I'm your new roommate! Kokichi Ouma, Ultimate Su-" Kokichi grins, then gasps. "Saihara-chan! My love!"

"A-ah, hi?"

"I'm your new roommate! Isn't that great?" He hugs my arm and pushes his ring out of his eyes again.

"T-That's great, Ouma-kun..." I try smiling.

Kokichi looks at my attempt, then grins more and pulls his luggage out. He had a lot.

"Do y-you need any help?" I offer, but Kokichi shook his head.

"This Supreme Leader can handle it!"

"Are you sure? I-It looks like you're struggling-"

"I'm fine!" 

But I ended up helping anyways. His arms were shaking, but I simply thought he was weak. He had a very small frame, and he seemed skinny.

When we finished, he and I decided to talk some more. I offered to make tea or coffee, but Kokichi demanded Panta.

"What's... Panta?"

"Only the greatest drink ever! 'What's Panta'... ha!" Kokichi scoffed.

"Well... maybe we can get some f-for you later. This is pretty much your d-dorm as well. How do you like your coffee?"

"Lots of sugar!" He grinned as I sighed and added 5 packets of sugar. I was about to pick up his cup and bring it to him when my cuts started stinging. I dropped the cup and yelled in surprise as the glass shattered.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. Some glass had gotten me.

"What happened?"

"I-I dropped your cup," I said. I tried not to cry at how useless I was.

"Here, let me help," Kokichi said with semi-worried face. He grabbed a mini vacuum and started it up. I hid my wound and try cleaning up the blood that was splattering on the floor.

When he finished, he sat down next to me on the kitchen floor.

"Saihara, let me see your arms," He said. I looked up and saw his face. He dropped the honorific to express how serious he was.

"U-Uh, no, I'm fine," I cringed away as he tried to roll up my sleeves.

"No, you're not. You can't lie to a liar and not expect them to find out."

"I'm fine, really."

"Seriously, Saihara."

"I'm okay."

Kokichi looked at me, then quickly rolled up my pant leg. The piece of glass was still stuck, with blood dripping down my leg. He looked back at me and I felt my eyes growing teary. Carefully, he picked it out. I cried out in pain, then he left for a second. 

He returned with a First Aid Kit and fixed me up, including my arms. When he was done, he looked at me and held my cheeks in his hands.

"I'm s-sorry I'm such a burden, I-" I cried, letting tears fall freely down my face.

"Listen. You aren't a burden. If you ever need to talk, tell me. Okay?" I nod as he brushes away my tears.

"Great! Now lets eat something, I'm starving!" Kokichi's mood changes instantly as I smile a little.

"Okay..."


	3. Two

Over the span of the next few days, I could feel myself slowly getting better. Not by much, but at least a little bit is better than none. Kokichi had told the school we were sick, but in reality we just went on walks and talked. At night I would watch his sleeping peaceful face, with a soft glow emitting from the ring around his head, and listen to his soft breathing. I kept myself from falling completely head over heels when he flirted, but at night I thought about holding hands, cuddling, kissing... It was embarrassing just imagining it.

Today was our last day to take off, we decided. As a special treat, Kokichi dragged me somewhere at 5AM, with a blindfold on. I only heard engines of cars and the sound of the beach.

"Tada!" Kokichi says as he pulls off my blindfold. In front of me is a huge amusement park.

"Wow, Ouma-kun."

"What? Do you have anything against amusement parks?"

"Not at all. I-It's just... you've been so nice to me about the whole thing," I tell him softly.

"Anything for my beloved!" I felt my face flush up, so I covered my face with my hat quickly.

We went to get our tickets when Kokichi started pulling out his wallet.

"It's okay, I got this," I said and quickly handed the person at the booth before Kokichi could object.

"Aw, I wanted to pay for this date!" He puffed. I was about to brush this off, but then I realized what he said.

"D-Date?" I exclaimed.

"It's a lie! Nishishi!"

"Oh, ha..." I said, feeling disappointed.

We walked in, our arms almost touching. I felt my hand brush against Kokichi's, but only for a moment. It still sent chills up my spine.

"Saihara-chan, let's go on the big swing carousel thingy!" He took my hand and ran to the ride. "Hurry up! We can still make it!"

I felt my face grow red as we gave the person operating the ride our tickets and sat down. I looked at Kokichi nervously.

"I love these!" He squealed. We sat next to each other, with myself on the outside. 

"I'm sure i-it'll be fun," I said halfheartedly.

"Are you scared?" I nodded and he squeezed my hand. I forgot that we were still holding hands, and I started getting sweaty. But it wasn't from the nervousness.

The person that we gave our tickets to came around and made sure our seat belts were secure, which gave me more anxiety.

"It's okay, Saihara-chan! I'm here!" I heard him giggle.

Then, I felt my feet, that were rested on the ground, lift up. I quickly look up and felt myself going up. I looked anxiously at Kokichi, but he just smiled. We stopped going up, then the ride jerked forward and I screamed.

I shut my eyes, then heard laughing and assumed it was Kokichi. I felt the wind in my face, and his hand in mine, then relaxed and slowly open my eyes. 

Kokichi is laughing and yelling at the people we fly over. I join him as we swing across the air. 

Nothing but 4 minutes of pure joy.

The ride slowly drops, then descends. We get off and laugh about the people's reactions to us screaming at them.

"What next?" I ask.

Kokichi grinned and took me next to a tall tower thing.

"A drop tower."

"A-Ah, maybe something else besides that? It looks-" I gulped, "scar- unsafe. It l-looks unsafe."

"Aw, is Saihara-chan scared again?" Kokichi asked. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me.

"It's okay... let's go," I said, smiling.

We gave the man our tickets and sat down. I then realized that Kokichi and I were still holding hands. Once everybody sat down, the man came around to check we were secure and weren't going to fly off. He checked mine and quickly handed me a slip of paper, then winked. I saw Kokichi glare at him, then he grabbed my arm.

"I just remember I'm afraid of heights! Protect me, my love!" He hugged it and looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Oh..." I put my arm around him and slowly pet his hair. The man scowled at this and stalked off to start the ride.

The seats started slowly climbing up, then jerked down. I yelled and prepared for the ride to smash into the ground, but it stopped right before we hit it. I sighed in relief as we climbed higher than before. Kokichi took this opportunity to take the slightly crumpled slip of paper from my hands. He jumped out of my arms and threw the paper.

"Yeet!" He yelled.

"What was that for-?" I asked, but then we were dropped. I clenched my teeth and felt my stomach get uneasy.

"Because that old bitch was obviously trying to get that fine ass of yours! I already claimed it! He is not ruining this date!" Kokichi said sassily.

"What? I thought you said this wasn't a date?"

"That was a lie."

"Ah, okay..."

Then, we were at the very top. I gasped at the beautiful view. You could see the ocean! I was so busy admiring everything I forgot about the plummet. We dropped down quickly. I yelled and screamed. I then got off quickly. 

We sat down at some tables nearby after I had bought hot dogs for the two of us.

If this was a date, then...

I took Kokichi's hand in mine and kissed it without thinking. He turned to me with a shocked face.

"Wow, you do love me, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amusement park idea from girlfriendfromhell's amazing story deceit dont ha te mee
> 
> also i have no motivation ooff


	4. Three

"Wow, you do love me, huh?"

I felt my face heating up as I realize what I just did. Kokichi's face of shock quickly turned to a smirk.

"A-Ah, no? I was j-just, um.... being p-polite?" I offered, but it wasn't very convincing.

"Aw! I love you too!" He smiles and hugs my arm.

"I d-don't think you understand..."

"What? You don't love me?" Kokichi starts pouting, and it looked like he was going to cry.

"Please don't cry, Ouma-kun!" 

"Saihara-chan d-doesn't love me!" Tears started falling from his eyes as he whined. People started staring as I took his hands in mine.

"Sh... it's okay... I-I don't hate you!"

"But y-you don't love me!" He sniffled. I slowly raised my arm to wipe away his tears.

"Please stop crying... people are staring..."

Kokichi continued crying as I saw a security guard walk up to us.

"Hello, ma'am," The guard said. What did he mean by ma'am-

Oh.

"You are disrupting the public. Please keep your son under control," He said sternly.

"I-I'm not a girl, and this isn't my s-son," I said nervously as Kokichi continued crying.

"Whatever. Just calm him down, and you can stay."

The guard walked away as I sighed.

"Ouma-kun, please stop crying. W-We might get kicked out... I'll do a-anything, really, just please..."

Kokichi wiped away his tears quickly. 

"Anything?"

I nodded as he smiled. It was like he didn't even cry to begin with.

"Then kiss me!"

"W-What?" 

"Do you want me to cry again?"

"No..."

Kokichi smiled as I pushed up his little saturn ring up a little, then reluctantly pressed my lips against his cheek.

"Well... I meant on my lips... but that works too~!"

“That’s a lie, Ouma-kun.”

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t! You never know!”

I sighed and brushed it off, then offered to buy us some lunch. I wasn’t very hungry, but I wanted to stop talking about this.

“No! We still haven’t gone on the roller coasters!” Kokichi pouted.

“Alright, then let’s go.”

We walked to a big roller coaster, that went in loops, upside down, and really fast. I wasn’t scared of much, but this freaked me out.

“D-Do you wanna go on a different ride?”

“Are you scared, Saihara-chan?" 

"No..." I was trembling.

Kokichi searched my face to see if I was lying. He seemed to pretend as if I was brave.

"Whatever. Roller coasters are boring! Let's go on... the ferris wheel!"

"Okay."

We walked towards the big ride, with the sun was setting on the water, casting brilliant hues of orange everywhere. Kokichi took my hand and hummed a sweet tune. I started thinking about how cliche this seemed, like the stuff in romance movies you see.

After waiting in the short line, we sat in the cab.

"This is soo cliche, y'know? With the sunset and the beaches and stuff," He said casually while he sat on my lap.

"What a-are you doing?"

"Nothing." The big wheel started moving as a women's voice started saying rules.

"G-get off, please..."

"Oh, Saihara-chan, even if I wanted to, I can't. The rules say no standing up! Unless you wanna fall to your death!"

I sighed. 

"Lovely weather, huh?" He turned around and smiled at me.

"Yeah," I muttered.

Kokichi then flipped around and started straddling my waist.

"A-Ah? What..?" I said in confusion.

He just giggled and took my hands in his. He led them to his hips where he kept them.

"It's pretty obvious I like you, my beloved! One day I'm going to marry you, then we can rule the world! You can be my princess..."

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" I asked, feeling his forehead. He was sweating and extremely overheated.

"Perfectly fine! Kiss me! And no cheating this time, kiss me on the lips!"

I blushed fiercely. 

"If I d-do, will you get off me?"

"Anything for you, love!"

I inhaled and sighed, then kissed him. It wasn't that bad, but he was sick. I suddenly felt terrible for taking advantage of Kokichi being delirious. He tried pushing his tongue in my mouth, but I rejected it and pulled away. 

"Aww... meanie!"

"Can you get off me now?"

"Fine."

Kokichi swung his leg back over and sat next to me. We stayed there in silence until the ride stopped. We got out and stumbled back to the dorms, but halfway through Kokichi wanted me to carry him and refused to walk until I did so.

It took a while, and by the time we returned it was 8pm. I gently rested him on his bed, then went to get ready. I looked through cabinets, but we didn't have any medicine, and Kokichi started coughing.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

"Ngh... don't leave me!" He said softly.

I quickly walked to the nearest pharmacy and purchased any fever medicine that was cheapest and most effective. When I was buying it, I saw one of my few friends, Kaito Momota. He always thought I was cool because of my hair, and because he was an astronaut. 

"Hey, Saihara-kun! What'cha doin' here?" He smiled once he saw me.

"Uh, my new roommate has a fever... what about you?" Kaito stiffened when I asked him this.

"Er, Maki Roll isn't feeling well..." He said nervously. "Bye! Gotta blast!"

I watched as Kaito quickly paid and left. I smiled a little and went to the front to pay. The cashier smiled sweetly as he checked out my things.

"That'll be 770.94 yen, ma'am." 

What was up with people misgendering me? Honestly, I didn't care any more.

"Alright..." I sighed, pulling out my wallet.

I paid and left, then returned to my dorm with Kokichi laying on my bed.

"S-Saihara? My wrists huurt..." He said.

"Oh? May I see?"

He nodded and rolled up his sleeves. Bandages. Under those were... scars? They looked recent.

"D-Did you..." I began, but Kokichi shook his head.

"My soulmate! Seriously, what the hell? Are they trying to kill me? I also have a huge cut on my leg!"

I cursed Kokichi's soulmate. Luckily, we had painkillers already, so I gave him the medicine and the pills. On an even luckier note, he took them without complaining, then fell asleep.

I winced as my own cuts hurt, but ignored it, and quietly slid in next to Kokichi and closed my eyes, but not before setting my alarm.


	5. Four

When I woke up, I felt someone cuddling me.

"Ah... Ouma-kun..?" I said hoarsely. 

"Mmmmm..." Kokichi sighed and nuzzled into my chest.

I blushed a bit and attempted reaching my phone for the time. It took a while and uncomfortable fidgeting with Kokichi murmuring and hugging me tighter. It was pretty early, but it wouldn't have made sense to go back to sleep so I stared at the ceiling until my alarm went off.

"Ouma-kun... time for class," I said softly, nudging him.

"S-Saihara-chan... please d-don't!" He whispered.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Stop! Y-you're hurting me! I c-can't-" I looked at Kokichi and saw he was crying, but he was still sleep.

"Ouma-kun, wake up," I said a bit harsher this time.

"S-Stop!" He screamed and woke up.

"Ouma! Are you okay?" I asked.

"Y-You... p-please don't... hurt me..." Kokichi said shakily. He started to move away from me with terrified eyes.

"Sh... it's okay..." I tried to think of something comforting to say.

"N-No! It's not!" He yelled, and continued moving back, which resulted in him falling off my bed. 

I felt pain on the right side of my body, causing me to wince. I quickly looked over the bed, ignoring the pain.

Kokichi was lying on the floor tangled in a blanket he managed to bring down with him.

He looked up in shock and started crying, put his arms up to... defend himself?

"What's wrong?" I asked as I sat down next to him.

"Y-You... hurt me!" 

I was in shock. Yes, he was sick, and probably hallucinating, but... 

Crazy thoughts started running through my mind. It was insane, but in the smallest possibility that Kokichi was my soulmate, maybe it would explain the bruises and cut marks that appeared on my body throughout the years. And if he was, then that would means two other possibilities. That he was bullied, or... his parents.

I took his hands in mine and squeezed them gently.

"I won't hurt you... I promise."

He looked at me wearily.

"T-That's what they all said."

"I know... but I... I won't. I won't."

I wiped away his tears and hugged him. He sobbed into my shirt and hugged back, murmuring inaudible things.

We stopped hugging after a few minutes when Kokichi stopped crying.

"You're too sick to go to class. I have to, though, and I'll pick up your classwork and homework. Just sleep, okay?" I said softly.

He sniffed and nodded. I got up and got ready, then picked him up and rested him on his own bed.

"Ouma-kun, do you know where I can find your schedule? I need to know your t-teachers so I can get your work."

He handed me a crumbled piece of paper with little drawings on it. I blushed a little when I saw that Kokichi had drawn a drawing of me next to the words 'Roommate: Shuichi Saihara' with little hearts.

Class wasn't going to be fun, especially after missing so much. I walked to my first class and talked to my professor.

"Um, h-hello..." I said nervously. 

"Ah, hello Saihara. I take it you are here for your work that you missed?" He smiled at me, which was a little unnerving. I never liked him much, which was a bit stereotypical of me.

"Y-Yes," I said.

He handed me the work, but as I was about to take a seat he put a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened and spun around.

It looked like he was about to say something when one of my few friends, Kaede, walked in.

The teacher snatched his hand back and turned back to his desk, where he shuffled his papers and acted like nothing happened.

"Saihara? Oh my god I thought you died!" She smiled at me and embraced me.

"A-Ah, I wasn't feeling too well."

"I heard something about you getting a roommate from Momota. Is he nice? Is he treating you well?" She asked.

"Ah, yes... His name is Ouma. He's sick, though." 

"Wow! It's about time! Is he your soulmate?" 

"I... d-don't know, but I have feeling about it."

"Yeah, you kinda just know. Like Miu and I! I knew that she was mine the moment I set eyes on her!" Kaede started blushing, but her eyes sparkled.

"Ahah, yeah..."

"Did someone say my name, asshats?" Miu entered the room. We weren't really friends, and she was very vulgar, but she made Kaede happy and that was good enough for me.

"Yep! Hey, you amazing genius!" Kaede ran over to Miu and kissed her cheek.

"E-Eh?" Miu's face flushed. "Of course I'm amazing! I'm Miu fucking Iruma!"

I smiled awkwardly and sat down for class to start. The rest of the day went normally, and when my classes were over I went to Kokichi's teachers. I also found out that he was majoring in things like politics, which was surprising.

I returned to my dorm and set down my bag.

"Ouma! I'm back," I said as I went to the kitchen. "Do you want anything to eat?"

All I heard a pencil moving. I poked my head into the bedroom and saw Kokichi with his nose in a sketchbook.

"H-Hey..." I said softly.

"Shuichi!" Kokichi cheered and ran up to me to hug me. I checked his fever. He was warm, but not as warm as earlier. Good.

"Saihara-chan, you took so loong!" He pouted.

"I have your work," I told him, but he started shaking his head.

"I don't waaanna do it!" 

"I'll help you..."

"Ughhhh..."

Kokichi flopped down on my bed and sighed.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I asked him.

"Yes! I'm starving!" He smiled and got up. "You have Panta, right?"

"Yeah, I got some for you the other day."

I walked out to the kitchen and looked in the cabinets for something substantial. After lots of searching, I finally found some ingredients for miso soup, which I didn't know if it would help or not, but it seemed easy enough. I started preparing the soup.

When I was done, I brought it to Kokichi.

"How'd you know this is my favorite, my love?" He asked after eating it.

"I don't, b-but now I do," I said while studying.

"Why haven't you had any?" I stiffened a little.

"Ah, I had s-something to eat earlier."

I heard Kokichi mutter something, which I thought sounded like "liar".

There was an uncomfortable silence for a while when Kokichi went to get his phone. I didn't notice the fact that he didn't return, not even after about 30 minutes. I went to go look for him after 45 minutes.

"Ouma-kun?" I called.

I went outside the dorms and found him sitting in the grass. Crying.

"Ouma!" I said in surprise.

"A-Ah, Saihara, hi..." He sniffled as I sat down next to him and hugged him.

"What's wrong?" I fretted.

"W-Well... my parents, they... called. They w-want to see that I-I'm, er, doing well? I h-haven't ever b-been close to t-them. In f-fact, I hate them. For y-years they h-hurt me! And m-my soulmate felt i-it, if I e-even have one."

I was taken aback with how honest he was being.

We sat in silence for a few seconds again.

"I think we're soulmates," I blurted out.


	6. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobia warning!!

Kokichi looked at me in surprise.

“W-Well… you’ve had an....abusive p-past, from what I’ve gathered, and I’ve always had bruises and cuts a-and scrapes growing up… and you had, erm, cuts on your arms, which wasn’t by you,” I explained.

He stayed silent as he studied me.

“Maybe not, but whatever. When a-are your… parents coming?”

“Next week,” He sighed.

We stayed out there for a while and just sat there. At some point, Kokichi put his head on my shoulder. I heard soft snores and saw he was sleeping.

“Ouma-kun?”

I got up and tried rousing him, but he wouldn’t budge. I didn’t want to hurt him or scare him, and it was important that he sleep, so I picked him up bridal style and tried carrying him back to our dorm. It was difficult because one, I wasn’t very strong, and two, Kokichi is heavier than he looks.

I almost dropped him going up the stairs, but thankfully Kokichi seemed to nuzzle into my shoulder and chest so I didn’t trip. Just as I was about to open the door, I heard a voice behind me.

“Saihara-kun?” I turned and saw Maki Harukawa, Kaito’s girlfriend.

“Ah, hey Harukawa-san…” I said uncomfortably. She seemed pale and unsteady. She didn’t say anything at all, she just watched me. Her eyes darted to Kokichi, whom I forgot I was holding. My arms strained with the effort to keep him up.

“Who is that?” Maki hissed quietly.

“My new, uh, r-roommate.”

She squinted her red eyes, then shrugged and slunk away. I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and quickly walked back into the dorm room.

Gently, I dropped him on his own bed and tucked him in. I winced at my arms, and Kokichi seemed to be in pain. I made a mental note to observe him and to test the theory of us being soulmates.

I set my alarm, brushed off the extra grass on my suit, and hopped into bed. I lied awake for a while, thinking about this. I hoped Kokichi's parents weren't that bad, but I knew that after the childhood he must've been through, and all of the random injuries I grew up with, that was probably not true. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

\---

When I woke up, I saw the time was too late to go back to sleep, so I got up and began getting ready. Kokichi stirred every now and then, mumbling some things and tossing around. I had just finished getting dressed when he woke up.

"Saihara-chaan? Do I have to go to class?" He sighed, hair messy, eyes half closed, and the ring around his head glowing softly. 

"I'm afraid so, Ouma-kun. You seem much better," I smiled and put my hand on his forehead. Not very warm, which was good. Kokichi started nuzzling my hand like a cat.

"Mm..." He sighed, then pulled his head away and went to get dressed. I blushed and finished getting ready.

\---

The time came for when Kokichi's parents visited. He avoided conversation about it as much as he could. We had a free day due to the staff having a big meeting about graffiti and damage of school property, so it was perfect. If only we didn't have to dread what was coming up.

Kokichi's mother texted him and said that his father couldn't make it, which caused a bit of stress to leave. But not by much.

She arrived in an SUV. It was nice and clean. I inhaled and waited with Kokichi on the sidewalk.

"Kokichi." She sighed after coming out of her car.

"Mother," He said, and stiffly lead us upstairs.

"Who is this?" 

"My roommate, Sh-"

"Whatever. I don't care. I don't suppose you still wear...girl's clothes, hm?" Kokichi froze as I swiftly grabbed his hand. His mother walked to his closet and dug a bit, then snatched some cute skirts, dresses, and a hoodie. I was a little shocked. I get Kokichi would want to keep that from me.

"Y-Yes, mom..."

"Ma'am. It's ma'am," She snapped, then saw our hands laced together and groaned. "Oh, great. Now you wanna date a boy too? Disgusting. You must be sick in the head. Do you have a mental illness? Ugh."

Kokichi seemed to shrink back. His mother raised her hand to slap him. It all happened so fast, I couldn't comprehend it. All I knew was that I stepped forward and blocked him. Blinding pain hit my cheek, but I didn't waver. In fact, I pushed Kokichi's mother outside.

"Don't speak to him like that. It's his life! Stop being so fucking controlling!" I hissed, then slammed the door.

Kokichi stared at me with his mouth open a little.

"Oh god, I'm sorry..." I said, panicking.

"What do you mean? That's the first time I have ever heard anyone talk back! Thank you!" He tackled me to the ground and hugged me tight.

We stayed there for a while, when I got up.

"So, erm, you w-wear... feminine clothes?" I asked.

"It's more of a guilty pleasure, ha," Kokichi said in embarrassment. He walked into his closet and came out wearing high white boots, a mini skirt, and a pastel shirt with a little bunny on it.

"Oh wow," I said. I was truly in shock. It looked... great on him.

"I know right? What about these?" He held up another outfit, pink shorts with cat leggings and a purple hoodie.

"They look really cute on you." 

Kokichi blushed a little, then winked and twirled.

"Thank you. Mind if I have this dance?" He asked as he held out his hand, which flustered me beyond belief.

"N-Not at all," I smiled.

We twirled and danced. At some point, I put on some fast paced pop music.

We ended up dancing late, where our eyelids were falling and we yawned every other minute. Right before we fell asleep, on the floor, curled up in my and Kokichi's clothes, I whispered something to him.

"I think I'm in love with you."

"Me too... good night sweetheart," He said drowsily and hugged my waist.

"Good night," I giggled.


	7. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is it called when someone makes fun of someone for wearing "opposite gendered clothes"?? (by the way clothes don't have a specific gender, so wear whatever makes you feel good about yourself!!!)  
> whatever it is, warning for that.  
> oh and nervous shuichi and dick kaito (i really do have a personal conflict about how i feel about kaito...)

  
When I woke up, I felt Kokichi's arms still wrapped around me. The dorm was a mess, with our extra clothes draped everywhere. I saw the time and almost died. I was going to be late even if I hurried. I swiftly jumped out and ran to the bathroom, when I hit my nose on the door and fell.

 

"Mhh?" I heard Kokichi stir and mumble something.

 

I got up and walked in, quickly brushing my teeth and combing my hair. I was already in my outfit for school, so I didn't need to do much except throw my hat on. I ignored the rumbling in my stomach and walked back out to wake up Kokichi up.

 

"Hey, time for class," I told him as I nudged him awake.

"Nooo!" He whined.

"We're going to be late," I nervously said. Kokichi just mumbled something and grabbed my shirt, nuzzling his face in my chest.

"Wanna stay with Saihara-chan," He mumbled.

"Come on, please? We can go to the mall or something after our classes."

He sprung up immediately and smiled, and despite his bed head, he still looked really cute.

"Let's go! We'll be late!" 

I rolled my eyes as he skipped out the door.

\---

"Saihara-kun, you promised we'd go out somewhere today," Kaito told me after class.

"I know, Momota-kun, but I promised my roommate we'd hang out. Sorry, maybe some other time?" 

"Come on! This is the third time you've ditched me! Please?"

I sighed. "Uh, I guess you could come to the mall with us."

"Great! I'll meet you at your guys' dorm in 10 minutes!" Kaito pumped his fists like he always does when he's excited. I smiled and headed back to my dorm.

I opened the door and saw Kokichi in a pastel pink skirt, a purple sweatshirt, and lots of makeup. He smiled at me when I walked in.

"Hey Saihara-chan! I figured since we're going on a date, I'd dress up all nice and fancy! What do you think?"

"Ah, Kaito might be tagging along. You look great, by the way."

"What? A third wheel?" Kokichi started tearing up. "I want Saihara-chan to myself!"

"Sorry, I guess I promised we'd hang out today and forgot. He's been insisting on it for a while."

He huffed and wiped away his fake tears. "Saihara-chan is so mean!"

Just then, the doorbell rang five times. I opened it and saw a grinning Kaito. He looked behind me and saw Kokichi, which caused him to frown, dropping the smile he was just wearing.

"You have a girl as a roommate?" 

"N-No, it's just, um..."

Kokichi sprang up and skipped over to us, then held my hand.

"Nope! 100% male! Why, do you think I'm pretty?" He giggled.

Kaito's face went from a frown to wrinkled in disgust. "Absolutely not. What kind of boy would wear girl's clothes?"

I turned to Kokichi waiting for him to do something.

"This boy does! And clothes don't have a label, idiot!" He stuck his tongue out at Kaito.

Kaito rolled his eyes. "I don't think I can hang out anymore, Saihara-kun. Maybe sometimes else."

"Uh, bye, I guess," I said awkwardly, but he didn't seem to hear me as he walked away coldly.

"These are the kind of people you hang out with? Geez, no wonder you're so dense!" Kokichi's grin had faltered a little.

"That's mean," I said, but shrugged it off. "Do you still want to go to the mall?"

"Of course! Let's go Saihara-chan!" 

Kokichi took my hand as we walked a few blocks to the mall. When we walked in, he headed straight for the girl's clothes, not letting go of my hand.

"Let's try on some clothes! You'd look so cute in some of the clothes they have here."

"That's your thing, Ouma-kun," I said self consciously.

Kokichi shrugged and wandered around, picking clothes off from their hangars and carrying them around, then putting them back after assessing them. He disappeared into a dressing room, dragging me to the seat and telling me to wait until he got out.

I fiddled my hands nervously. Anxiety was making my head foggy, and I hadn't eaten in two days. 

"Saihara-chan! How do I look?" Kokichi spun around in a cute black dress decorated in flowers. He was also wearing boots that reached his shins, covering some of his faint bruises and cuts.

I clapped as he finished spinning and smiled. "It looks great."

"If my beloved Saihara likes it, I'll buy it!" Kokichi smiled. I noticed how happy he seemed, without his facade of mysteries of lies. 

He went back into the dressing room to change into another outfit. I got out my phone when I felt it buzzing and saw someone calling. I felt my face go white. I picked it up.

"Ah, hey, U-Uncle..."

"Hello Saihara. Tell me, why do you have so many absences?" A stern voice responded, not wasting time.

"I was... really s-sick. I couldn't get up."

"Saihara, you know the rules. I do not care how sick you are, you must go to class." I swallowed my argument.

"I know. It won't happen again, sir."

"It better not. This email also says you have a new roommate. I specifically told the university not to give you one to not distract your studies. Has this "Ouma" been annoying you? I can have him moved to a different room."

I felt my throat grow dry. I was terrible at lying, and my uncle knew it. My face turned red.

"No. H-He's kept to himself."

"Good. And you've been taking your medicine?"

"Yes, s-sir."

"Alright. Farewell, Shuichi."

"Goodby-"

Beep.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, and turned to Kokichi's dressing room door and waited for him to come out. As if I had called him, the door opened to reveal him in an orange crop top with black stripes on the sleeves.

"Cute," I said half heartedly.

"I heard your phone call. Your uncle is almost as bad as my parents!" Kokichi giggled, but the joke wasn't that good.

"Whatever. Are you done?" I asked.

"I wanna see you try something on. I already picked something out! Let me get back into my normal clothes." Before I could protest, he went back into the dressing room. 

When he came back out, he held up a cute pastel dress that would've looked good on anything besides me.

"Here you go! I want to see you in anything besides black," Kokichi stuffed the dress, and white boots, into my arms and pushed me in the room.

"Wait-" I started, but he wasn't having it.

"Don't come out until you've put that on!" He giggled.

I sighed from not having a say in anything, then avoided looking in the mirror as I got dressed. I threw on the boots and set my hat down on the chair in the room.

"I-I'm done," I stuttered, and walked outside.

"Oh my god!" Kokichi squealed. "It's adorable! We're totally buying it for you! Spin around for me!"

"Are you sure?" I felt my voice raise by a few octaves.

"Of fucking course!" His voice rang out across the store, causing parents to scowl and cover their child's ears. I quickly spun around, then ran back inside to take it off.

I walked out with the dress folded neatly, and the white boots on top. Kokichi took them from me and strutted to the cashier with other clothes as I followed. He slammed them on the counter and said something I didn't catch due to how heavy my head felt.

The cashier nodded and punched in some things into the register, and Kokichi handed a card to him (I tried getting out my wallet but Kokichi pushed it away).

We walked out of the store, me holding onto the bag of clothes and Kokichi's hand in the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHew
> 
> sorry this took so long!! school is an ass and god can confirm this
> 
> anyways, i got my first piece of fanart for this!! it was done by @SaiOumaIsMyAesthetic (it's below in a link. sorry i have no idea how the hell you add pictures...) !!!! <33
> 
> https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B2UBBhZX3VraZi1hSHFNMzFqUWdIWV9GeTlxY0g1Nm9FbUZJ
> 
> if you want to send me fanart, my discord is furiouscatlover#1319 and my gmail is cheetahmay19@gmail.com
> 
> (1392 words)


	8. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college partying owo  
> also a bit of an anxiety attack

"Saihara-chan, lets go to dinner! Some place fancy!" Kokichi said, dragging me along the colorful shops. 

"Ah, sure... I think I might have enough money for both of us," I said.

"McDonalds!" He said suddenly, pointing at the yellow and red themed place.

I stopped, causing him to turn to me (his hand left mine and I missed the warmth).

"Is that seriously your definition of fancy?"

"Yes! What, do you think I go to those cushy velvet places that only give you small portions of food for 4 times the price they're worth? Nope!"

I wanted to tell him that McDonald's wasn't healthy in the slightest, but he was already skipping to it. I sighed and followed closely behind when he was chatting with the register.

"...A Panta, too! Oh, Saihara-chan, what do you want?" 

I shrugged. "I'm not hungry.

Kokichi looked unconvinced, but he turned back and ordered a water for me. I brought out my wallet and handed the man at the front 700 yen, then we sat down and waited.

"Saihara-chan, oh my god. Saihara Saihara Saihara-" Kokichi started shaking my arm frantically. I thought something was wrong until I saw a mischievous glint in his eyes and a large grin on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked to act like I didn't notice how his eyes were almost sparkling.

"There's a fucking play place, Saihara-chan! This is a fucking mall and they have a  _play place?!_ "

I tried not to laugh as I put on my best serious face. "And?"

Kokichi looked at me dead in the eyes. He looked like he was about to murder someone, preferably me.

"Are you joking? Play places are _the_  shit! I never got to go to these as a kid! Jesus, Saihara, why aren't you as freaked out about this as I am?!"

"I just don't see why they have them. Not many kids use them these days, and they could be dangerous," A small smile was starting to form on my lips.

"You're mean, Saihara!"

I just laughed, and soon he was too, until tears had formed in our eyes. People might've been staring, but we were laughing too hard to notice. After about five minutes, my lungs burned and I felt like throwing up. But my heart felt light, and the atmosphere was bubbly.

"I don't really have anything against play places, Ouma-kun," I said.

"Great! Let's play, then." 

We walked in and I gasped. It was huge, complete with two slides and tunnels running all around the ceiling.

"Well..." I said.

Kokichi grinned at me, and took my hand to drag me to the entrance.

\---

By the time we finally escaped from the colorful demon house, complete with kids screaming and the smell of gym socks, the food that Kokichi ordered had been set out on a table with our number order. 

"That was fun!" Kokichi panted, face sweating because of how unreasonably humid it was in the tubes.

"N-Never again..." I sat down at our table and started draining my small water.

"Saihara-chan, you said you didn't have anything against play places!" 

I finished my water and just shrugged. 

When Kokichi finished his meal, I stood up and took his hand in mine (I hoped he didn't see how nervous I was). "Where to next?"

Kokichi yawned. "I'm tired. I wanna go home."

I nodded, and we walked out of the mall, with him chatting about how much fun he had and making remarks about the children in the play place we saw.

When we reached the dorms, I opened the door and Kokichi flopped on my bed. I set down the clothes bag on the floor and got out my notebooks. I sat down at my desk and started studying, but I only was able to for about 10 seconds.

"What'cha doing?" He asked, peering over my shoulder.

"Studying," I mumbled. "My grades have been slipping a little."

"Oh god, did your perfect A go to an A-? Oh no! Whatever shall my beloved Saihara do about it?" Kokichi said over dramatically, practically lying down on my desk.

"Ouma-kun, I need to study."

"No, you don't. I'm bored! Let's do something!" 

I sighed in frustration. "We just got back from spending all day together, and you want to hang out more?"

"Yep! I'm very demanding of attention. I have a friend, actually, and he's having a party tonight! No alcohol, I promise mom Saihara!" 

I frowned. The math I was looking at was blurring in and out of focus. I was going to regret this, but I couldn't pay attention to school work right now because of Kokichi and his damned wonderful personality, which affected me.

I got up. "Sure."

"Woah, really? Are you sure you're feeling good?" Kokichi didn't wait for an answer. "Then what are we waiting for?"

He took my hand and sped up as I almost tripped five times. We arrived at a normal dorm, with the exception of music blasting and people yelling. Kokichi opened the door to reveal exactly what you'd expect a normal dorm party to be. The air smelled of alcohol and weed, though, which made me turn to him and frown.

"You said there wouldn't be alcohol, Ouma-kun."

Kokichi just shrugged. "We're in college. What did you think was going happen? Everyone sitting at a table playing cards or something?"

I was about to respond but thought better of it. 

"I'm gonna go get some beer or something!" He smiled. "Ever drank before?"

I shook my head. "I'd like to keep it that way."

"One cup wont kill you. I'll be right back."

Before I could protest, he had left me alone in a room full of drunk and/ or high teenagers. I felt anxiety creeping in and to counter, I pulled the rim of my hat down. My hands started shaking and my vision started blurring. 

 _Pull yourself together_ , I told myself.

When my heart started racing and I thought I was going to pass out, I heard a low, somewhat handsome voice behind me.

"Hey, you okay?" I turned to see a boy, somewhat taller than me, with a mask that covered half his face and silky black hair that was uneven at the ends. He had an old outfit that made him look like a tour guide at a museum.

"A-Ah, yes, I'm fine..." I said uncertainly.

"I don't think I have met you before. My name is Korekiyo Shinguji, please call me Kiyo."

"Shuichi S-Saihara."

"Is it possible that you are the son of a certain actress and screenwriter with the name Saihara?" He asked curiously.

"Yes..."

"Interesting. Anyways, I noticed you seemed anxious. Are you having a panic attack?"

"No..."

Korekiyo handed me a red cup. "Thirsty?"

I nodded, hoping it was water. I drank it and immediately regretted it. The bitter flavor flared its way down my throat. But it felt good. I finished the cup and asked for another.

"Are you sure?" I nodded without hesitation.

\---

Many cups together I somehow ended up making out with Korekiyo. Moments blurred together, and I didn't even realize he was wearing lipstick under his mask until I had to wipe it off my mouth. We were about to head to a bedroom when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"What. The. Fuck?!" Kokichi screamed, dropping two red cups.


	9. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self harm plus vomiting AAA sorry ghdfhskja

I wanted to say something, but my mind, foggy from alcohol, wasn't working correctly. Korekiyo and I looked broke away to a very mad Kokichi.

I was having an internal battle in myself against the drinks. Right when I was about to pass out, I broke away from Korekiyo's grip and ran after him. His white shirt was disappearing into the crowd, but I grabbed it and despite being weak, Kokichi was much weaker. He stopped and spun around to face me.

His face was red and sweating. "What?"

I wanted to tell him sorry. I almost did, but nothing came out of my mouth.

"I'll see you after class tomorrow. I'm sleeping over at my friend's dorm," was all Kokichi said. And then, he left.

The lights burned my eyes and the music almost deafened me. My throat burned and my eyes watered.

"Hey baby, come on!" I heard that silky smooth voice behind me. I just wanted to go to my dorm and cry.

I didn't even look back as I replied. "Leave me alone, bitch!"

I ran, and ran as fast as I could back to the dorm. I slammed the door behind me and headed straight to the kitchen.

Taking out the biggest knife I had, I felt tears streaming down my face. I rolled back my sleeves and stared at the fading scars. I ran my finger over each one, feeling them on my skin. My heart lurched in satisfaction, and pain, as the knife broke the skin, causing hot pink blood to spill down.

But it wasn't enough. The beast that had stayed down had risen again, wanting more blood.

My mind buzzed and fizzed with a mixture of pleasantness and unpleasantness. The only noise was my crying echoing around the room. Dizziness reached my vision, and I felt the urge to vomit.

I threw up, feeling the alcohol and whatever small amount of food I had eaten that day fall to the ground. When that stopped coming out of my mouth, bitter bile scorched the inside of my stomach and more. It felt terrible, but I didn’t stop until my stomach ached so horribly I fell to the ground, crying and shaking.

I almost picked up the knife when I heard the door opening, revealing a shaky Kokichi. He was clutching his stomach, and his sleeves were also rolled back to show scars.

Oh.

He didn’t see me laying on the ground, knife in hand and covered in vomit on the kitchen floor. He looked around wildly as I held my breath.

“Saihara?” Kokichi walked in and gasped.

“Go away…” I slurred weakly.

He walked in and slowly, I noticed, got on his knees.

“What’s wrong?”

I didn’t answer, just clenched my stomach.

He left the room without a word, returning in less than a minute with a washcloth and some pills. I could tell he was also in pain because of how slow he moved, and he seemed to flinch with every fast movement.

Kokichi handed me the pills (which I took after struggling to swallow due to my throat), helped me up on my feet, and softly told me to take a shower. I hesitated, wanting to help clean up my mess, but he insisted he’d clean up.

I walked, slowly, into the small bathroom and began stripping off my clothes. When I was fully naked, I turned on water as cold as I could stand it and hopped in. I didn’t do anything to wash my hair, I only stared at the water and it flowing down the drain.

My head still thudded loudly, even after the pills, but it had gone down a little. The cuts were still bleeding, but not by much. I let the water wash out the vomit itself and got out.

I saw that my usual attire for sleep was laid out and smiled a little at this gesture. I got dressed and walked out. I saw that Kokichi had cleaned up and was sitting at the couch.

“Sorry...” I said, breaking the silence. He must’ve not seen me because he jumped a little at it.

“Saihara-chan!” He jumped up and hugged me.

“You j-just saw me.”

He shrugged and smiled.

I sat down on the couch. My head was still fuzzy, but I was starting to feel somewhat better. I layed down on Kokichi’s lap and closed my eyes.

“Aw, is Saihara-chan tired~?" He sang, running his hands through my hair.

"Yeah... Saihara is tired," I slurred. 

As I drifted off to sleep, I felt soft lips peck the side of my forehead.

\---

The first thing that I felt when I woke up was my head thumping with pain. It took me a full five minutes to pry my eyes open. My hair stuck to my face, slick with sweat.

My head was resting on something really soft. I almost went back to sleep, but I remembered (with a groan) that I had class. Luckily, though, it wasn't until 9am. I looked at the clock and saw 6:13. 

I looked up and saw Kokichi's sleeping face. Sleeping made him look innocent, pure even. It took away the mask he wore. I wanted to protect him.

But I couldn't with such a terrible headache. I slowly stood up, to not disturb Kokichi, and looked in the small amount of medicine in a cabinet. All that was there was the cough syrup I bought for Kokichi a while ago, my antidepressants that I hadn't touched in a while, and aspirins.

I got some water and downed two pills, then took out a mystery book and sat back down on the couch. I only got about a page in when Kokichi started to stir. Mentally preparing myself for what he had to say, he fluttered his eyes opened and smiled.

"My beloved has a headache, huh?"

"I suppose so," was all I said, trying to read more of the book.

He started scooting over to me and read over my shoulder. He rested his head on my shoulder, which made me stiffen at first but soon I relaxed into it.

"Hey, I was thinking," Kokichi started. "Winter Vacation is next week, yes? I was thinking we could go somewhere together. Like a lodge in the snow!"

I considered this. "That's a good idea. I can look at some if you'd like."

Kokichi wrapped his arms around my waist, smiling and grinning. "Perfect!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING SOONER AHHHH!!!
> 
> im also super duper sorry about the ooc-ness oof
> 
> i have a bunch of stuff planned btw im so excitedd


	10. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobic slur, sorry kaito's a dick.

"Your roommate is a pain in the ass, Saihara-kun," Kaito told me. We were walking to a tree we go to study, because on Fridays we had a free period as our last class. Next week was Winter Break.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"He's my partner in Biology. Annoying as hell, man! Anyways, what are you doin' for Winter Break?" 

"I'm actually going to a cabin with Ouma-kun," I said.

Kaito groaned. "Seriously?! It's not like you two are dating or anythin', right?"

I felt my face flush, and rushed my sentence. "Well, I-I have a feeling we're soulmates..."

"How does that even work? Two guys as soulmates? Saihara-kun, you don't actually think-"

I heard a distinct laugh behind me.

"Nishishi~! Momota-chan, don't'cha know it's rude to talk about people behind their backs?" Kokichi, in his normal 'supreme leader' attire, had his hands behind his head and giggled.

"Speak of satan himself! There he is," Kaito cried.

"If I'm satan, Saihara-chan's an angel," Kokichi smiled and sat down next to me.

Kaito frowned. "What are you, gay?"

"Uh, yeah? I told you already, Momota-chan! You'd forget something like that so easily? It might make me cry," the purplette's eyes started watering, which I knew was fake. It sure did get Kaito, though.

His eye's widened as the fake tears were being spilled, but he recovered quickly. "So that means you..."

Kokichi stopped 'crying'. "No! I'd never like someone like Momota! I'm more into," he sneaked a glance at me, "shy detectives that wear eyeliner."

My face flushed as I pulled down my hat. Kaito blinked.

"I d-don't wear eyeliner," I managed after about a minutes of extremely uncomfortable silence.

"Really? I never would'a guessed! Guess we should try some makeup on you sometime then! You'd look even more beautiful." Kokichi smiled. My face bloomed in red.

"Isn't makeup for girls?" Kaito clearly wasn't reading the mood.

I saw Kokichi grit his teeth and sink his purple fingernails into his palm. He still managed to keep a very calm face, though. "Nope! What'd make you think that? It's nice, and I like it."

Kaito squinted, then his face lit up. "Ah, so you want to be a girl."

"No, idiot, I'm not transgender. I just prefer girl's clothes. Have a problem with it?" Kokichi hissed, his eyes deeper with anger. I held my breath.

"Yeah, actually. It's not right," Kaito's voice started increasing in volume.

"Guys, please don't fight," I said quietly. They weren't listening, or they just didn't care. The two stood up and started yelling.

"It's not like you can stop me. I'm not hurting anyone," Kokichi bit his lip, and the skin burst, causing pain in my lip. I rain my fingers over the blood.

"Ouma-kun, maybe we should just-" I started, but Kaito had gotten mad.

"Maybe not by your clothes, but I bet a faggot like you loves to get off at the mere sight of other men!" He yelled.

Kokichi stared, his eyes now devoid of anything. It seemed like he had snapped.

"Ouma, let's go," I said softly. He didn't protest as I lead him away and tried ignoring Kaito's yelling behind us.

We got to our dorm and I sat Kokichi down on his bed.

"Hey, I'm, uh, sorry about that," I sighed.

"It's fine. He's an asshole anyways." Kokichi shrugged, and stood up. "We're leaving tonight for the cabin, correct?" I nodded. "Then let's pack so we don't have to worry about it tomorrow!"

I smiled. "Sure. What do you want to pack?"

Kokichi was about to say something when my phone rang. Kaito.

"Actually, I'll be right back. You go ahead and start packing," I grabbed my phone and stood outside the dorm Kokichi and I shared.

I pressed 'accept call'. 

"Hey, Saihara, I'm sorry," Kaito said.

I stayed quiet. Usually, I would've accepted his apology and been done with it, but I wanted to hear his explanation for once.

"I've been really stressed recently, and ya know how my grandparents are. I love 'em to death, but they just... force their views on me. I'm just so used to hearing them talk like that. And I guess I'm a little jealous. Your relationship isn't fucked up like mine is, so-"

I stopped him. "We're not dating. Not yet, I think. But I... do really like him. I don't know which way, but like I said, I think we're soulmates. Anyways, it's okay."

"Ah, thanks. I've been wanting to tell you for a while, but um... Maki's... pregnant." 

My mind stopped momentarily, then began working again properly.

"Wow, really? Uh, congratulations!" I said. 

"Yeah, but I don't think she wants to keep it, but I do. I want to raise a family, but we're only in college and I don't know what to do..."

"How far in is she?" I asked.

"About... 5 weeks."

"Wow. I truly am happy for you Momota-kun," I said. 

"Thanks. Anyways, again I'm sorry for saying what I did. I have to go."

"Bye." 

Click.

I poked my head in the dorm, in shock, and saw Kokichi adding every single one of his 'girl' clothes into his bag, and stuffed animals too.

"Hey, Ouma-kun. That was Momota-kun, he was apologizing," I didn't share the news, because I doubted the he knew who Maki was.

"Good," He mumbled, then turned to me. "I packed your bag!"

Kokichi showed me my bag, which had about ten bottles of Panta cherry (he discovered I liked cherry a while ago) and some candy.

I looked at him in the eye to see if he was joking. Nope, he had a very serious face.

"Thanks... I think we can do this tomorrow," I offered. He smiled.

"Great! I was getting sick of being by myself. Let's watch a movie! This might be the last time we can use wifi, you know," He threw down the bag and all but jumped on my bed and pulled out his laptop, adorned with stars and cat stickers.

I rolled my eyes and went to get blankets. Friday nights was our movie night, which was always completed with blankets, popcorn, and other sweets. Of course I never ate any, but it kept Kokichi happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been giving hints about maki and stuff, and im so happy i did this in this chapter instead of later.  
> also, next 2 or so chapters will be about cabin... maybe even some smut you never know... ;)


	11. Side Chapter (Gonta and Korekiyo)

"Gonta... G-Gonta don't understand! Why Korekiyo... kiss Shuichi?" Gonta sobbed. I felt my heart sting. I reached out to cup his cheek.

"I'm terribly sorry..." I whispered. "I was poisoned from the alcohol... and it wont happen again. I swear. Someone such as myself doesn't deserve an angel such as yourself."

His crying had subsided to hiccups and sniffing. I pulled my mask down to kiss his cheek.

"Gonta accepts Korekiyo's apology," Gonta said finally, after a few moments of awkward silence.

I sighed out of relief. "I do really feel terrible. Would you... like to go to the park or something similar to that? We can get ice cream."

Gonta nodded. We stood up, hand in hand, and walked to the park. The sun was shining weakly through the trees, and the air smelled sweet with the remains of Fall. We didn't talk, just enjoyed being in each other's presence. When we approached an ice cream cart, I pulled out my wallet and paid.

We took our ice cream and sat down on a bench. Gonta started pointing out the many bugs that crawled by. He called out to some and they started crawling towards us. 

I wasn't the biggest fan of bugs, but I'd do anything for him. I realized he had started talking a few minutes ago about a particular caterpillar.

"...and this Spicebush Swallowtail caterpillar can mimic snakes! Gonta just loves these, the eyes are so cute! And when it turns into a butterfly, it is beautiful-"

I cut him off by leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips. The Swallowtail flew around us once and flew towards the sky. 

We had to break away,and when we did I didn't move my head away, just rested my forehead against his.

"I love you," I said.

"Gonta love you too!" He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kiyo is hard to wrie  
> anyways this is like the shortest piece of shit i've ever done sorry.... i love these two dorks and im planning on an actual full fanfiction between them soon after i finish a huge list i have of stuff to write  
> happy halloween bc i wont be on here the day of!!


	12. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an old guy flirting??!!!! does that even count as a warning?? i dunno

I had just finished putting our bags into the small car we had rented when Kokichi had finally walked out and smiled.

"Oh Saihara-chan, you finished? I was just coming out to help you! Oh well!" He yawned. "It's too early for this! It's 4PM. I've only slept 15 hours!"

I smiled a little. "That's a lie, isn't it? Anyways, I can drive for the first few hours."

Kokichi grinned as he opened the car door for me. "Yep! And thanks!"

I tapped his nose. The air was sweet, and I felt happy. It was nice, because I hadn't ever been on a trip due to my uncle and parents. I shook my head as I sat down in the driver's seat. I was going to have a good time.

"Ready to rock and roll?" Kokichi winked at me. I nodded and turned the keys. 

Of course I had driven before, but in Japan, people usually took the buses or, for longer travels, trains. The tickets were too expensive, and Kokichi claimed he got "train-sick", which I assumed that he was lying but I didn't care. Driving was fun, anyways.

We had driven for about an hour when some upbeat pop song came on. Kokichi squealed and almost caused me to crash.

"Ouma! Don't do that!" I gripped the steering wheel in fear as we swerved a little.

"But LIKEY by TWICE is on! That's like... the shit!" He screamed again. 

The song was in Korean, so I could only assume it was K-POP. "Please don't tell me you're a BTS fan. If you do I'm pushing you out of the car and going to the lodge myself."

Kokichi had gaped dramatically. "My Saihara-chan would do something like that to me? I can't believe it! I could cry I'm so proud!" He looked at his painted purple nails. "No, I'm not. BTS is the worst!"

"I'm going to hope that wasn't a lie," I said as seriously as I could.

"Anyways shut up! I wanna sing!" He then began singing. Actually, you can't really call it that, because it was high pitched yelling. I swerved the car on purpose this time, and he broke off.

"Please don't ever do that again," I sighed. "I've only had one hour of sleep and I'm running on coffee and fumes."

"Fiiiine! I'll never make Saihara mad again. Geez, that sounded like something from Fifty Shades of Gray! Does my beloved want to dominate?" I blushed at the remark but focused on the road.

The rest of the drive was mostly quiet. We were almost there when Kokichi had woken up from a rather loud nap, where he snored and mumbled loudly. 

"Saihara-chan, I'm huuungry! Can we stop somewhere?" 

I blinked tiredly. "Sure. Where would you like to eat"

"Hm... a gas station!"

I looked at him in confusion.

"Gas stations always have the best candy!"

"Ah, fine."

We pulled over to a dirty looking place. I pumped gas in the car while Kokichi ran in and grabbed some "food". When I took the pump out and started heading inside to pay, some man walked up to him.

I walked faster and felt my heartbeat pick up.

"...and I hope you'd offer some services, eh?" The man said in a gruff voice. I hid behind a shelf of colorful chips and hoped I wouldn't stand out with my dark clothes.

"Sorry! I'm taken by a really pretty-" Kokichi cut off when he saw me. "There he is! Saihara, come over here!"

I frowned, but reluctantly walked over to them.

"Are you sure this is a boy? Looks awful feminine to me," He said. I huffed in annoyance.

"Seriously?! Are you trying to do something here to my-" I almost said boyfriend. Instead, I sighed. "Please just leave him alone."

"God, you're awful uptight. We were just about to get it on," The man said with a glance at Kokichi. "Whatever. I'll leave, you pricks."

I waited until the bell had ring to let the tears that had been threatening to spill over my eyes flood my face. My face felt overheated, my throat dry, and my heart racing.

"You were very brave..." Kokichi told me, and hugged me. I hugged back subconsciously and cried into his embrace.

When I finally felt well enough to let go, I did and patted his head awkwardly. 

"S-Sorry, um... I got mad," I said. "What did you mean by you were taken..?"

Kokichi looked pale. Well, more than usual. He smirked. "Well you see, I lied! I said that I was dating you! Not like I'd want to, though!" 

I felt my heart sink a little at this. "Ah, r-really?"

"Yep!" 

We took the candy, paid, and ran to the car. Kokichi insisted he would drive, so I all but threw myself into the passenger seat and fell asleep fast, to the grunge songs playing softly on the radio and the passing of the trees.

\---

I felt hazy as I opened my eyes, and rubbed the sleep out of them. My neck was uncomfortably craned against a cold window. I had just seen the snow when Kokichi parked the car and whispered in my ear, "hey."

I almost screamed, and whipped my neck so fast it almost broke. "Ouma!" 

He started laughing. "You're too easy. Saihara!"

I sighed. "Are we at the lodge?"

"Nope! I have us in the middle of no where!" He grinned mischeviously.

I rubbed my eyes again. "That's a lie."

"Damn, you got me again! You're good at this! Anyways, yes we are at the cabin."

I got out and started stretching my legs out.

"You said some weird stuff, my love! Like 'oh, there!' and 'harder...' a lot! I wonder what you were dreaming about," Kokichi tilted his head curiously.

"What?!" 

"It's a lie!" He grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed ur getting 2-3 chapters of the cabin!!


	13. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouija boards, so kinda a satanic warning??  
> also shuichi gets a panic attack rip

The lodge was pretty normal, with wood walls and a seemingly modern interior. There was a rug, a TV, and a couch, with a loft with only one bed, then a bathroom, and finally a kitchen.

It took about two trips to get everything inside. I expected Kokichi to overpack extremely but he was pretty decent at getting everything to fit.

We had put on a kid's movie on the TV when Kokichi had suddenly sprung up and snatched something from his bag.

"My love, I brought a game for us to play!" He sang, holding up a box. I squinted and saw the words "OUIJA BOARD" and blinked at him.

"Are you sure you wanna play that?" I asked, not really feeling up to talking to ghosts and spirits at 3am.

He nodded. "Haven't you done this before?"

"No. Have you?"

He nodded again. "Yep! It's something I do on a regular basis! In fact, I'm a spirit medium."

I smiled. "That's a lie, correct?"

"Ah damn! Saihara-chan got me again~!"

Kokichi set down the board on the coffee table, and took out some sort of wood shaped like a heart, but it had a circle in the middle.

"This is called a planchette." He explained. "You and I will put our fingers on it and wait for the spirits. As it turns out, this cabin is very haunted! I checked the reviews and found lots of people complained about creaking stairboards and crying outside." He sat down, his shorts pulled back a little on his thighs. "The rules are simple. One, don't play it by yourself. Rule number two is don't be rude to the spirits," he said, holding up a finger and smiling mischeviously. "And finally, probably the most important, is to always say goodbye. So, do you still wanna play?"

This sent chills up my spine. I wasn't scared of ghosts, but I wasn't fond of them. One thing I was fond of, though, was how Kokichi's face lit up in joy as I agreed to play.

I sat down on the floor and tentatively took the planchette. His fingers brushed against mine, which sent a sharp spark up my back. I let Kokichi take charge, knowing that this was fake and that I wouldn't get hurt as long as I played by the rules.

He circled around the board with the planchette three times, then he asked if there was anyone there.

About a minute later, the heart shaped piece of wood moved. I gasped, but didn't take my hands off. Kokichi smirked at me through his hair that covered his face, because his head was tilted forwards in concentration.

It spelled out YES. I bit my lip nervously, and felt blood gushing out slowly, which made Kokichi pout his lip and face me.

"Ow! That hurt, Saihara!" was all he said. I murmured a sorry and faced my attention to the board.

"U-Um," I started, my voice cracking. I tried again. "How did you die?"

I waited, wanting to fiddle nervously, but I still kept my fingers on the planchette. Slowly, the board read SUICIDE. I felt like I was going to throw up. My eyes started watering, and my head thuded. I let one tear slip out.

"Why?" I whispered.

SOULMATE DIDN'T LOVE ME

Kokichi then spoke. "Alright, thank you and goodbye."

He put away the board, then hugged me.

"That's sad..." I sighed, letting only one tear slip again. Then another.

We sat there and just enjoyed each other. I noticed how nice Kokichi smelled. We must've moved to the couch because I felt something soft underneath me.

I must have slipped into sleep eventually because I opened my eyes to a bright sun. I yawned and, feeling some deva ju, felt Kokichi cuddling me. Tears had dried on my face, but I felt refreshed.

Kokichi started stirring, and yawned as well. He opened his eyes drowsily to reveal bright violet pupils.

"Good morning," I said.

"Tired..." he sighed, and turned around.

"Come on, Ouma-kun. Let's start over. Good morning. How did you sleep?"

"Good..." he mumbled, then hopped up and stretched.

I then got up and looked to see if we had anything to eat. Finally, I found some rice and heated it up. I put out two bowls, then grabbed spoons. We had forgotten to pack chopsticks, which I cursed myself for.

The rice finished, and I split it up, then put them into bowls and set then down on the coffee table and made Kokichi sit down next to me.

"Itadakimasu," I said, then began to eat.

"Formal, huh? How Saihara of you," He smiled, and began wolfing down the rice.

I was only 1/3 in when he wiped his mouth on his hand. "Gochisosama, Saihara-chan!"

I nodded. He waited until I finished to start pestering me about something.

"Why don't we go to the town? Pretty please?" He practically begged.

"Why?"

"Because I wanna get something good for food! Not boring rice!"

"That's rather rude, Ouma-kun."

"Sorry... can we go now?"

I nodded.

We walked along the snow ridden paths. I wished I had brought warmer clothes. As I mourned, Kokichi took my hand, which at least warmed it a little.

When we reached the town, I saw that he was leading me towards a candy store. I felt him let go of my hand, then he walked inside. I followed him, but was stopped by him turning around.

"Oh honey what'cha waitin' for? Step into my candy stooore!" Kokichi snapped his fingers and started walking towards me quickly.

I almost died. Laughter started spilling out of my mouth. "O-Oh my god, Kokichi, you like Heathers?!"

"Yeah, obviously! It's my favorite thing ever~!" He paused. "Did you just call me Kokichi?"

I stopped laughing and looked at him. "Ah, sorry I didn't mean to-"

I was cut off by him grabbing my shirt and pulling me down to his height. His lips pressed against mine softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probs gonna be a smut next chapter owo
> 
> and uhhh im doing a vote on wattpad for whos top/bottom in the comments oOF


	14. Twelve

It was rather surprising, really, to finally have Kokichi's soft lips on mine. They were chapped but smooth and... it felt so good. The saturn ring that adorned his head was warm, instead of cold like I had imagined. It pressed against my forehead, but I didn't really notice. 

My lips felt like they were on fire. Electricity sparked between us. I closed my eyes and tilted into the kiss. Kokichi giggled, clashing his teeth against my lips and making me giggle too. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush, but we broke apart and starting giggling. My face was flushed so red I put fujis to shame, and I felt nervousness bloom in my chest.

"Um, I..." So many words I wanted to say.

Kokichi took my hand. "My beloved is a terrible kisser!"

Anxiety took hold. "Oh, really?"

"Nope! It's a lie! I'm just a bad kisser, that's all. Geez, you're suure dense my love!"

He lead me to different shops, acting if like nothing had happened. Finally, he found a clothing and make up store that he dragged me in.

"Let's see what's in here!" He smiled. My heart dropped a little, for whatever reason, but I still obliged and followed.

We walked around for a bit, then I finally got some sort of response about it.

"You've kissed before, huh? That's probably why you're such a great kisser!" Kokichi smiled while we were looking at some different eyeliners.

"W-What?! No, I've never-" I started, but was cut off.

Kokichi held a finger up. "No, you have. I saw you and Shinguji-kun getting it on during that party! Remember?"

I tilted my head in confusion.

He started laughing. "Oh my god, you don't remember?!" I shook my head. "You drunk waaaay too much, and Shinguji-kun started seducing my sweet Saihara-chan! Of course you didn't want him to, so I punched him and we ran off together into the night!"

I didn't believe this, but there could have been some truth behind it. Maybe that was why Korekiyo was awkward around me, and so was Gonta. They were dating, I supposed.

I stayed silent because I was embarrassed beyond belief. And Kokichi just had to open his mouth again to make it worse.

"I mean, can you believe you would cheat on me like that?!" He whined, pulling my arm.

"We're not dating," I said softly.

"Of course not! It's a lie." His eyes were teary, and he seemed-

"Ouma-kun, are you jealous?"

Kokichi pouted. "Yeah. Saihara-chan should only be kissing me."

I waited for him to burst out into his classic it's a lie! but he didn't. And he didn't show any sign of it being a lie. So naturally, I blushed again.

He turned to the many eyeliners on the wall. "Hey, do you wear makeup?"

"Uh, no, why?" 

"You look like you wear it. If you look like pretty without it, imagine how pretty you'd look with it!"

"Uh... no." I wanted to tell him makeup was for girls, but that's a stereotype, and I wasn't willing to bring myself to say that to him.

"Aw..." He pouted. "Saihara-chan is mean~!"

I followed him as he started grabbing random things from the shelves, from brands and names in languages like English or French or something. He laid out the makeup supplies on the cashier's counter. The girl manning the cashier looked at us with confused eyes but nonetheless we managed to get out before she asked any questions.

I was still asking myself why we kept avoiding the conversation about the kiss. We walked back, the sun somehow now setting. His hand brushed mine. He smiled at me.

We entered the lodge and I had just locked the door when Kokichi finally said something.

"I lied when I said you were a bad kisser. You're a hell of one!" He grinned.

"A-Ah, really?" I blushed.

"Yep~! You could use some practice, though..."

I was about to open my mouth when I heard a... cat meow?

Kokichi snapped his head to the noise. 

"What was that?" I asked, hearing another meow.

"You're the detective! Let's go find out!" He responded, grabbing my hand and pulling me outside. We almost ran, as the meows became more frequent and louder. 

I almost missed the white kitten in the snow. It had a stubble for a tail, with round fluffy cheeks and lots of fur. It was shaking.

"Ouma!" I said, stopping and crouching down. The poor thing was shaking.

He looked down and his eyes seemed to soften at the sight. He also joined me. The cat backed up and hissed softly, but it wasn't very threatening. 

I had solved a missing pet case before. It was a cat, and the cat had ran away. I taught myself how to comfort them, how to call for them, and how to help without getting hurt in the process. I ended up finding it on train tracks. A train was approaching, so I had to get the cat out of there fast. I had spent about three minutes cooing and whispering to it when the cat had decided to come to me. Just in time, too. It was nice to see the owner, an old lady in her 80's, cry tears of joy.

I shook my head of the memory and starting clicking my tongue. It immediately caught the kitten's attention. I started whispering.

"Hey, it's okay... we wont hurt you, neko... we want to help you."

I started slowly making my way to the ball of white fluff. It didn't back up, but it had wary eyes. I made it and held out my hand. If the cat scratched me, I would have to step back and start over, but it didn't. Tentavily, it put it's head up to mine and nuzzled. I heard Kokichi gasp quietly, and started petting the kitten with careful hands.

After a minute of petting, I set the cat on my lap. The cold bit my ears and cheeks, but I almost got the kitten. Cat fur was scattered on my pants, but by now the kitten was purring and meowing in delight. Kokichi had came over slowly and was also petting it.

I picked up the kitten, covering it with my jacket, then slowly started walking back. Kokichi smiled in wonder.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" He asked.

"I used to do a few missing pet cases. Lots of them were cats."

We walked back into the lodge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this took forever but i PROMISE next chapter is smut  
> maybe i shouldnt publish the smut yet actually cause its no nut november and i cant have gamers failing because of me :(  
> jk uhh  
> y e e t


	15. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all gonna loose no nut november  
> anyways the smut chapter i promised. thanks for 2k reads and 100+ kudos!!!

The snow fell, and as did the sun. It was dark when we made it inside. I immediately told Kokichi to grab a towel ("Ah, getting kinky I see?" He remarked, but went to get it anyways).

I took the cat out of my jacket and started ruffling it's fur the wrong way, then back again. It meowed and flattened it's ears, but this would make it warmer.

Kokichi returned and all but threw the towel at me. I quickly smoothed the kitten's fur back and wrapped it in. 

"So... is it a boy or a girl?" He asked suddenly.

My face flushed and I pet the cat. "I-I haven't c-checked yet."

Kokichi just looked at me innocently as I, with shaky hands, checked. I then quickly looked away and set her down.

"She's a girl," I confirmed, embarrassed beyond belief.

"Let's name her then! How does Asamui sound?" 

I was still flustered so I only nodded.

We took the ball of towel and cat to the couch where we put on an American movie something named Léon: The Professional. I was a absorbed in the movie when I felt Kokichi rest his head on my shoulder, and the weight of Asamui sitting on my lap. She was purring as the purplette sitting next to me stroked her head. I had put my hand on her head when I felt Kokichi's finger brush mine.

Heat flared through my body and red formed on my cheeks. I inhaled but kept watching the show. I went to pet Asamui again when Kokichi grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips.

"W-What are y-you-" I started, but he started kissing my fingers.

I swore I could've died of how embarrassed I was. The way I felt earlier was absolutely nothing compared to how I felt now. When he finished, he didn't let go. He just looked at me with deep pools of purple, half lidded with long lashes covering them. I turned to face him fully and saw that instead of black eyelashes, he had dark purple ones.

My hand traveled to his cheek, where I stroked it. I felt how smooth his skin was, then realized what I was doing and snapped my hand back.

"A-Ah, fuck, sorry," I said.

Kokichi shook his head slowly. "Keep going."

"Oh, uh, okay."

I put my probably freezing hand against his cheek again. He closed his eyes and started leaning in towards me. He reached against my chest as I took my hand away and hugged him close.

We sat there and I realized Asamui was asleep, so I got up (to Kokichi's protests) and brought her upstairs on the bed. I walked back down and saw Kokichi. My heart skipped a beat for whatever reason, so I slowly sat down next to him.

He turned to me again and turned the volume down on the movie that I had forgotten was playing, then smiled.

"Saihara-chan gets flustered easily," He remarked. "Wanna do something that'll make you extremely flustered?" 

I wasn't really connecting the dots. Kokichi rested his head against my arm and looked up at me.

"What do you mean by that?"

I swear I heard him sigh.

"I mean," he said, now his hand on my cheek and somehow ending up sitting on my lap, "let's have sex."

My throat was dry and I started sweating.

"D-Did you seriously j-just ask for sex?" 

He nodded. "Yep! And I'd recommend you give me an answer quick, or I'll get bored! You wouldn't want me to get bored, would you?"

"Of c-course not, but I..." I bit my lip. I was never good at social situations like this.

Kokichi waited patiently for me to find my words. "Take your time."

A few moments passed of him combing through my hair with his fingers. "O-Okay, I... don't really u-understand my feelings for y-you. But I think I..." my throat grew dry but I continued," I think I like you, Ouma-kun."

He smiled. "Sure took you a while, huh?"

I felt my face soften and also smile. "I guess."

He leaned in and kissed me. Like earlier, I felt sparks ignite. This time, though, I felt some kind of want, or need, in me.

((sexy times ahead :DD))

I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed deeper. I felt Kokichi slip his tongue in my mouth. I hadn't really thought about it, except that it was a little weird that people did this, but now I understood. It felt really good, with his tongue and mine dancing together. 

I thought he was done so I closed my mouth and ended up biting his tongue. He pulled away.

"Oh, shit, s-sorry!" I said. 

He smiled at me again and ran it over his lips. "Mm, Saihara-chan tastes great."

My face heated up, but I leaned in and kissed him again. Soon, though, I felt Kokichi grew bored and wanted to move on. I wanted more.

We broke away and he started straddling my hips with his legs. I leaned back in to kiss his lips, but I did it quickly, and started trailing kisses down his chin and neck.

He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. I took off his pink scarf and started pressing light kisses against his collarbone. I started biting lightly on it, feeling it on my own. 

Ah, yeah, how could I forget? Soulmates felt each other's pain and pleasure, added onto their own, which meant this could be interesting.

It felt weird to me but Kokichi seemed to like it. I sucked on the nape of his neck and wondered if I was doing this right. The response was a gasp and a sharp inhale. I swirled my tongue over his porcelain skin and bit again, but harder this time. The pain made me jump.

Kokichi then started taking off his shirt. I stopped him by resting my hand on his forearm.

"D-Do you really wanna..." I started. He stopped to look at me.

"Yes! Why, do you not want to?" He asked. "We've already gotten this far!"

I wanted to say yes, to nod or something, but then that would mean I would have to show my... "scars". It made me anxious just thinking about it.

"We don't have to. I mean, it's not like I wanted to!" Kokichi said.

"N-No, we can! I just... am ashamed of m-my body... I don't w-want you to hate me."

He smiled. "Nothing you could ever do or have done will make me hate you, my beloved."

It was surprising how honest he was being right now. I smiled too and leaned in to kiss him again. Passion burned through me as I kissed deeper.

We broke apart and I let Kokichi take off his shirt. I was about to start attacking his neck when he tugged at my shirt.

"Ah ah ah~! For every piece of clothing I take off, you have to take one off too," He grinned.

I nodded and slowly took off my shirt. When I finished, he gasped.

"You..." He started. "You're a-"

"Please don't say a girl," I said nervously.

"No, I was going to say a trans boy," Kokichi said, his eyes glued to my chest and the scars. I crossed my arms self consciously. "Did you get both surgeries?"

I nodded. "My uncle somehow let me..."

"Well, you're a very handsome boy," He purred. I smiled and leaned in for another kiss. This one was short, because it immediately started getting hot again.

I started kissing down, starting at his collarbone this time and leaving a hickey or two. With shaky hands, I traced the sides of his stomach and kept leaving kisses. I felt how he shivered at this.

"G-God, Saihara-chan, you're slow... get to t-the good shit," he said, but clearly he didn't mind this.

When I had finally covered every inch of skin with kisses or a light hickey, I stopped for a moment. I admired the canvas of pale skin he had, how his eyes were clouded with lust, and how he was panting and smiling.

"You're pretty too, you know," I told Kokichi. It was nice for a change to see his face blush instead of mine. 

"W-Well of course I am, my love. I'm the best!" He said.

"You are," I agreed.

I inhaled as I started slowly taking his pants off. I noticed the dent in his boxers and felt my pants tighten too. Kokichi noticed a faded, old scar that I had from the surgery all those years ago.

"What's that?"

"It was, um, from the... gender transition." He nodded and smiled.

"Saihara must be big, then, if they took that much skin~!" 

My face blushed, heating my skin up.

"Can I touch it?" He asked.

I nodded. He lightly ran his fingers over it. I shuddered, covered in goosebumps. Seeing this, Kokichi took my forearm and licked it.

"O-Ouma!" I exclaimed.

"Call me Kokichi," he smiled.

"Um, then c-call me Shuichi..." 

He continued to run his tongue over the scar, then to top it all off he kissed it.

"Now let's get to fucking," he whispered, causing my face to grow extremely red.

I took off my pants, then my boxers as Kokichi did his. My hands went to his hips and I lightly traveled to the insides of his worryingly thin thighs. 

"D-Do we have lube?" I asked quietly.

He nodded and returned with a bottle of lotion.

"I know you're inexperienced with this, but don't worry virgin-chan! I'm pretty good at this," He said. I almost pointed out how he seemed uncertain he seemed only a minute ago, but I bit my lip.

"Whatever you say, Kokichi," I smiled, and put the acting-lube on my fingers. Kokichi took my fingers in his and lead them down.

I stuck one finger in, to which he gasped a little. I waited for a second, then stuck another in and started moving around. I felt pleasure swarm my head but didn't stop, scissoring my fingers and trying different angles.

Kokichi was breathing rather heavy and had looked up at the ceiling. I felt my finger brush his prostate and he moaned quietly. I stopped to look at him.

"God dammit Shuichi, please keep going or I will kill you," he muttered

I smiled, and started pumping my fingers. I decided to add another finger and I gasped this time. It did feel good, but it was a little weird. Pushing the thought away, I kept moving my fingers. I took my fingers out when I felt at my peak. I just looked at Kokichi.

"What's w-wrong, Shuichi? You scared? You wouldn't a-abandon me when I'm horny would you? That's r-rather rude, y'know," He smiled, but a huge blush had adorned his face and he was panting.

"You really are beautiful," I said.

Kokichi somehow flushed an even greater red. 

"Are you sure you want to go through w-with this?" I asked, sweating.

"Only if you do," he said softly, his features softening.

I nodded timidly and positioned myself to enter. I grabbed his hips and slowly stick in my member, gasping at not only the pain but the pleasure. Oh god, it swamped my mind and made me feel so much. 

Kokichi had tears rolling down his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I somehow managed to say.

"All g-good... I'm... fine," he responded. "Please, j-just fucking move."

I started thrusting in and out, slowly. Flashes of light blinked in and out as I continued to get faster. I began to grow faster with my thrusts, in and out, seeing stars.

"S-Shuichi, I-!" Kokichi began, but was cut off by white banners of cum sprouting out of his member.

After a few more thrusts, I was about to pull out and cum but Kokichi looked at me. "P-Please," he said. I understood what he meant and ejaculated into him.

I pulled out of him and panted.

"Wow, thanks for stealing my v-virginity. Just like how you s-stole my heart," He sighed, curling up besides me. I hugged him.

"I love you..." I whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is horribly written im sorry!!!! i wanted to have trans shuichi for a while but i was nervous to add it but my friend told me to soooo uhhhh here uwu


	16. Fourteen

I woke to a dim light streaming in my face. I felt Kokichi hugging me. And I realized I was naked.

Normally, this would've sent an alarm in my head, but it didn't. I felt at ease with myself, for once. Kokichi started waking up too, blinking his bright eyes open.

"Good morning," I said calmly.

"I was sleeping... Shuichi, why did you have to wake me up?" He sighed dramatically, but he was already awake and stretching. He hopped off the couch, and the cold instantly gripped me.

I got up too, and attempted covering myself in embarrassment. The ease that I had just felt with myself was gone.

"We should probably take a shower. Ah, damn, my ass hurts," Kokichi said.

"Do y-you wanna go first?" I asked.

"Who said we have to take turns?" He took my hand, leading me to the showers. 

My face flushed but I didn't protest. He turned on the water and I noticed how he turned it scalding hot. He was about to get in when he stopped.

"Oh, wait, we should take a bath!" Kokichi smiled.

I nodded and set the plug in. The purplette didn't wait for it to get filled up to hop in. If it had been full, then water would've gotten everywhere and I'd probably have to clean it up. I stared awkwardly and waited for the bath to finish.

Kokichi shut the water off after it was full. "What'cha waiting for?" 

I slowly got in the bath and felt insecure. "Nothing..."

He smiled innocently at me. "There's no reason to make this weird. I mean, we did fuck last night, so there's no reason for us to be afraid of each other." 

My face turned red, but this seemed normal by now. "K-Kokichi!" I exclaimed.

He turned to face me and took my hands. "I wont ever hate you, y'know? I love you. I wont leave you, either, so no need to worry."

I smiled a little. Kokichi leaned in and kissed me. Instead of like last night, this kiss was vanilla and sweet. I broke off and took the shampoo, putting some on my hand and scrubbing it in his hair. I then added a bit of water and I almost laughed.

His hair was wet, reaching his shoulders. It was very unnatural and rather hilarious.

"Don't laugh!" He protested, but he was laughing too. He splashed water onto me, and started laughing harder. "Your ahoge! It died!" He practically screeched.

I finally stopped laughing enough to calm him and myself down. He turned around and I massaged his hair with the shampoo, brushing out all of the knots with my fingers and finally dumping more water in his hair.

He laid back onto my lap as I continued combing out his hair. It was a bit awkward but I settled into it and applied conditioner to his curly purple hair, doing the same. His hair was extremely silky by the time I had finished, and I was concerned that he had fell asleep, but once I pulled my hands away he got up and told me to turn around.

He did exactly what I did, but with more prescription and concentration than I would ever have. I almost fell asleep, but I didn't. By the time he finished with my hair, our fingers were pruning up and the cold had long turned cold.

We got out and I immediately wrapped a fluffy towel around Kokichi. He was rather skinny, so I wanted to make sure that he didn't freeze. I rubbed so the friction would cause heat. 

"Shuichi is great at taking care of me..." He mumbled.

I smiled and wrapped myself up in another towel. I led us to the bedroom and grabbed my neatly folded clothes, putting them on.

"Last night was Christmas Eve, right?" I asked after Kokichi had finished getting dressed.

"Oh! It was! Why didn't you get me anything, my love? That's mean!" He said.

I was about to start freaking out when he interrupted me.

"It's okay! Sex is the best gift ever!"

I glared at him but then remembered Asamui.

"Shit! Where-" I began looking and calling. Kokichi tilted his head but then joined me.

I peeked under the bed and saw a little bundle of white fluff lying down and sighed in relief. The white kitten peeked one eye open and meowed at me.

"Here, sweetheart, c'mon..."

She seemed reluctant, but eventually she crawled over to me and into my arms. I pet her and cooed over her soft fur.

"What should we do about her?" Kokichi asked suddenly.

"What do you mean by that?" I said softly, to not disturb Asamui. She started falling asleep.

"Well, the dorms don't allow pets without going through a very long and crazy process, but we can't leave her. Besides, she's really cute." 

I sighed. "I guess we could... lie about her being in the dorm. I really don't want to leave her."

Kokichi nodded. 

We sat there and kept petting her. We didn't want to leave, so we just sat there. Kokichi at some point started leaning against me, so I pet his hair too. I smiled and, despite not being very tired, fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is short hhh my mental health is dead because uhhhhhhhhhhhh anxiety so


	17. Fifteen

I heard two things when I woke up.

1\. A cat meowing.

2\. My phone ringing. But instead of it's normal happy chime, it's the bearer of bad news. An annoying three bells. 

Of my Uncle.

I jumped up as fast as I could and snatched it, immediately pressing the green button and responding.

"H-Hello?"

"Shuichi. I thought you were going to visit me for Christmas, if not then at least for New Year's." He sounded annoyed with me, as always.

"I'm... with a friend, uh, at a cabin. In the snow. He's my roommate too." That sounded reassuring to a super strict uncle who already thinks you're enough of a disappointment and knows you're gay as hell.

"I see." 

Silence. And a cat meowing, then a crash. I flinched.

"I s-should get going. Goodbye-"

Click.

I didn't have time to worry about him. I ran downstairs and was greeted to Kokichi chasing Asamui, along with a mess of everything.

"K-Kokichi!" I exclaimed, which made him stop and turn to face me.

"Shuichi! Finally! Asamui is trashing the place!" He said, skipping over to me and spewing crocodile tears.

"I doubt that!" I said. "She must be hungry, hopefully we have something. Clean this mess up while I try to find something for her."

He folded his arms and hugged me. "Fine. Anything for my love."

I kissed him on the forehead and found some frozen salmon that Kokichi had brought. I laid it out on the floor and called for the white ball of fluff. Eventually she slid out from under the couch, her fur all bushed out and her pupils small.

I clicked my tongue as she continued forward and started almost inhaling the entire fish. Seeing she was eating, I walked out and saw Kokichi had completely finished cleaning up the clothes and everything. It was late afternoon, yet I saw from the window that it had snowed again.

"Shuichi! Look! I did it all by myself! Are you proud of me?" He said, his hands on his hips. He had changed into white short shorts over black fuzzy thigh highs, and a loose white shirt with a cute cat face.

"When did you have time to get changed?" I asked.

Kokichi shrugged.

"Well, would you like to stay for New Year's?"

"Mm... only if you do," Kokichi said, almost tackling me with a hug. We sat on the couch and Asamui joined us. 

"Sure," I said, resting my face in the crook of his neck and smiling. It was nice to be enfolded in a sweet grape scent. I closed my eyes.

"We should go back to town tomorrow and buy some stuff, like streamers and stuff," He said, petting the sleepy cat in between us.

"Or we could go today," I suggested, then remembered it was Christmas day. "Ah, never mind."

"Mkay," Kokichi said.

We spent the rest of the day cuddling.

 

The next day, we bundled up enough to go outside in the snow. We had given all our meat to Asamui, so we needed to get cat food for her, and just about everything else that cats needed.

We were walking side by side, holding hands. I saw that some of the stores were closed, but there were lights decorating everything, and it was beautiful. I noticed a pet store and steered us towards it.

Kokichi started walking in the direction of the birds and the fish, but I called after him.

"Kokichi, we need to get the cat food!"

"Aw, can't you do that? It's boring!" He said, but followed me anyways.

"You can get a toy or two for Asamui, and maybe a bed too," I offered.

He cheered and skipped off.

I examined the shelves for kitten food, and found some cans of it. I grabbed a few different ones and went to where Kokichi was to make sure he wasn't going to buy all of the toys they had. Before I could comment on how many cat toys he was holding, he waved a feather in my face.

I sneezed and heard him giggling.

"We can only get three toys, okay?" I said.

Kokichi sighed dramatically but started putting away the toys. "So boring."

I looked and saw cat beds. I kept looking until I saw a pastel pink bed. I smiled and picked it out, then turned and saw that he had picked out the feather, a small ball, and a plush bird. He was also holding a pink collar.

"Ah, that's cute," I said. "Ready?" 

"Yep! We should engrave the collar!" 

"Good idea." 

We walked up to the register and I told Kokichi he could go engrave the collar. He skipped off, again, and I paid. The cashier was rather slow, so by the time I finished, he was holding the collar and smiling.

"Check it out!" Kokichi exclaimed.

ASAMUI. IF LOST CONTACT SHUICHI SAIHARA AND KOKICHI OUMA. 

"I wanted to add 'if we don't pick up we're probably fucking', but I'd have to pay more and I didn't feel like it," Kokichi said proudly.

"That's a lie," I mumbled.

"Yep!"

We continued out and came across a party store and entered. The whole place was decorated in Christmas decorations, but there was a smaller section for the New Year's stuff, so that's where we headed.

There were party hats and banners, and those things you pulled on with the string and mini streamers popped out. I got a few small fireworks, then grabbed some other things and paid.

We walked back to the cabin, and snow started falling lightly. It got more and more intense, and by the time we finally got in front of the cabin the snow was pelting down like small tennis balls. 

"We almost died!" Kokichi said to no one except Asamui the moment we took our coats off.

"Not really."

He shrugged and sat down. I set out food for Asamui, and put on her collar. She protested at first but it looked nice on her.

I sat down next to Kokichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno i'm watching a horror game and i'm lonely and SAD :DDD


	18. Sixteen

It had been snowing pretty hard outside, but Kokichi had insisted we went outside in the snow.

I left out food for Asami, then put on a winter coat. The purplette waited outside for me.

"Geez, you're slow! I've been ready for the past 30 minutes for you!" He said.

"That's a lie," I told him. He grinned and took my hand.

"Of course only my favorite detective would know!"

Kokichi led me somewhere, passing snow covered trees and letting our feet crunch from the snow. We stopped in front of a frozen lake, and he started stepping on it.

I stopped and let go of his hand, hoping my fear wasn't showing.

"Uh, i-is it safe to walk o-on?" I asked.

Kokichi smiled and nodded, walking farther out on the lake. "C'mon! There's nothing to be worried about!"

Tentatively, I put my foot down and pressed with it on the ice. I didn't hear any cracks or see any, so I put my other foot forward.

I continued this until I reached Kokichi, but I thought that he had left due to his impatient nature, and I slipped and fell on him.

He caught me with weak frail arms, but at least I didn't hit the ice. I steadied myself and blushed a little when I realized that his hands were on my sides. He didn't let go, just smiled at me. Razor sharp butterflies flit around in my stomach, but I giddy as we danced around the lake.

It was more of me stumbling and him leading the two of us. But whatever it was, it was nice. The cold air nipped at my cheeks and ears, but the rest of my body was sweating intensely.

Then I heard the ice crack.

Anxiety surged through me sharply. I saw the cracks in the ice and noticed how it was coming from Kokichi's feet. He was smiling and laughing, not noticing the ice.

Just a moment later it all clicked and I pushed him back as far as I could, sending him a foot or two away. I was about to tell him to run, but the ice gave one final crack and plunged me into the dark water.

I held my breath and desperately kicked my feet. Panic settled in quickly and I attempted crawling to the surface, but it only helped a little. 

Darkness pressed at the edges of my vision but I kept swimming up. I faintly heard Kokichi yelling.

Kokichi.

I was going to die.

...

...

No. There was still too much I wanted to do, too much I hadn't done.

I got a sudden burst of energy and swam up, going faster and finally reaching the surface.

I gasped and took in big gulps of air, and felt warm hands pull me up. I coughed and sputtered out water.

Slowly, I got up and was dripping water everywhere. The adrenaline was still coursing through my veins as I took Kokichi's hand and ran off the ice. He hugged me tightly, then gave me his fluffy blue coat.

"Oh god, fuck, are you okay?" He asked.

My teeth were chattering too much for me to speak so I nodded. 

Shakily, we walked back to the cabin, and once we walked in Kokichi ran around grabbing blankets and turning on the fireplace, but not before instructing me to sit down.

He embraced me and then covered me with blankets. I hummed and smiled crookedly at him because I was still shaking a lot. We sat there for a while as I slowly felt better, curled up in a ball.

At some point, Asamui joined us, curling up on our laps. 

"Tonight is New Year's. Would you want to stay up? It's what m-my uncle and I did when I was growing up," I said quietly.

"Mm, I dunno, I might fall asleep," Kokichi sighed dramatically.

"Alright. We don't have to if you don't want to," I concluded. 

He started laughing. "Of course I wanna stay up, Shuichi!"

I laughed too. "Ah, then I suppose we should find something to do until midnight."

Kokichi nodded and grinned mischievously. He went upstairs to get something and came back down holding wine.

"Just a little something for the occasion~." He grabbed two cups for us.

"We're 19, Kokichi. You know we can't drink!"

"Well, we'll be 20 next year. Until then, it's just a little bit. We can't get in trouble, either, and you've already had some. It's not like it could hurt us though, because it's only a cup or two," He smiled, sitting down next to me 

All fair points, really. I hesitated, then slowly took the cup in my hands and sipped it. At the party, I had a beer, I thought, so I hadn't ever had wine.

It was tangy and somewhat unpleasant, but it was too late to turn back now. I sipped at it, starting to feel that same feeling I had felt at the party. 

I felt as light as air and kept drinking, cup after cup, laughing and giggling with Kokichi about nothing that was really funny.

"I can't believe I almost died!" I laughed.

"It's not like you haven't tried already!" Kokichi hiccuped, holding my arm tightly.

I checked the time and saw it was 11:56. 

"Almost midnight... what do you want to happen this year?" I half asked and half slurred.

Kokichi thought for a moment. "I wanna spend every possible moment with my beloved!" 

The American show we were watching showed a big multicolored ball dropping down a pole to represent the New Year's. I immeadiatly kissed Kokichi, tasting the wine on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IK THIS TOOK TOO LONG IM IN DRESS REHEARSAL FOR A PLAY LMAO IM SITTING BACKSTAGE
> 
> anyways i might do another smut chapter


	19. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shuichi almost does a self harm so uhh trigger warning

Kokichi and I had finished getting our bags in the car at around 6AM. To get back to campus at a decent time, we couldn't make many stops.

We had only driven for about an hour when Kokichi started fidgeting.

"What's wrong?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the road.

"I have to pee."

I sighed. "Kokichi, I swear to god, I-"

"But that was just a lie. I'm bored!" He smiled.

"Oh. Well, why don't you try sleeping or something?" I suggested.

"That's boring. It's all boring," he sighed dramatically.

"We can turn on some music, I guess."

He shook his head. I sighed. As much as I liked him, he could be rather annoying at times.

Kokichi leaned his head on my shoulder. I glared at him.

He grinned up at me, smiling innocently. You could see the sadness in his eyes.

I pulled over and hugged him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, running my fingers through his hair.

He didn't pull away, with his face in my messy uncombed hair.

"I don't want this to end," He whispered. I heard truth ring in his voice and I kissed his forehead. 

Pulling away to face him, I nodded. "I know how you feel. But it's okay, Kokichi, because although good times don't last, we can have even more happy times together."

He wiped his eyes and smiled again. "That was a lie."

It stung a little that he used that barrier, but I understood. He didn't like being vulnerable, so would let it slide.

"Of course it was," I smiled.

 

When we arrived back on campus, Kaito greeted me with a big hug and even helped us with bringing the bags back to our dorm.

I thanked him.

"Got to help Harumaki with some stuff. Bye!" He hurried off, leaving Kokichi and I alone.

I unpacked all the clothes and everything, setting it back in the small dresser near my bed. Asamui had sat herself on my bed and was sleeping contently, so I didn't want to wake her. I noticed Kokichi took one of my sweaters and had put it on. 

Smiling, I walked over to him and hugged him.

"What would you like to do now?" I asked.

Kokichi held up some makeup. "Wanna be emo?"

I giggled. "Only if you do it too."

We walked over to the bathroom and he immediately sat me down, getting to work.

A few minutes had passed and Kokichi was done. He held up a mirror. "Done~!"

I didn't look very different, except with longer eyelashes and a bit more feminine. "Alright, my turn," I told him, getting up.

He sat down and I started. I wasn't an artist, but I knew basics. I applied black lipstick and eyeshadow, then some blush to finish it. When I held up the mirror, he gasped.

"Woah, Shuichi! This is amazing!" Kokichi exclaimed.

I shrugged. He kissed my cheek, leaving a big black lipstick mark.

 

That night, I woke up feeling distressed. Kokichi had long fallen asleep, snoring lightly with his arm around my waist. 

I untangled myself from him, wanting to take a walk. 

I left, wandering the grounds of the campus. I heard someone crying, though, in the men's bathroom, and decided to investigate. 

Kaito, of all people, was wiping his eyes. "Oh, u-uh, hi Saihara..."

"What's wrong?" I immeadiatly rushed to him, patting his back.

He shook his head. "Its Maki... she doesn't wanna keep the baby, but I do."

"Oh. Well, I understand. Um, if she did keep the baby, how could she? We're in c-college." I was freezing. It was stupid of me to leave without a jacket. 

Kaito nodded. "I... suppose y-you're right, sidekick." He sniffed. "I'll be off, then."

I smiled as he walked away. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt overwhelmed. Anxiety surged through me and fogged my mind.

Thought after thought raged in my mind. Briskly, I walked back to the dorm and, with shaky hands, I pulled out a knife.

Anxiety took hold. Just as I was about to press the knife to my skin and pull back, I stopped and looked at Kokichi.

He was drooling, his hair messy as ever and he was adorable. I put the knife away and, with tears spilling over, I hugged him.

He stirred. "Wh...at... Shuichi?"

I sobbed quietly into his warm chest. Kokichi placed his hands around me and smoothed my back.

He didn't say anything and neither did I. My tears didn't stop until much later, where by then I was sniffing and thanking who ever was up there for such an angel like Kokichi.

 

I woke up late, feeling horribly feverish. My nose was completely stuffed and my throat hurt, not to mention how warm and cold my skin felt.

"K-Kokichi..?" I called, noticing he wasn't beside me. Asamui was lying down next to me, purring and happy. I assumed she was trying to steal some of the heat from my body.

He walked in and kissed my forehead.   
"I see you're sick," he smiled.

I nodded. 

"Why won't you let me serve you? You know, like a maid!" 

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I think I'll just g-go back to sleep..."

Kokichi huffed. "But I wanted to dress up in a maid outfit! I already have one ready!" He pulled out a beautiful laced maid costume with a short skirt.

I blushed as I imagined him in it, then shook my head. "I'm a-alright..."

"Too bad, my beloved! I'm taking care of you today!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sad its christmas eve lmao


	20. Eighteen

I woke, my body hot and shaking. The first sight I was greeted with was Kokichi dozing off. His head was near my hand and he was sitting down on a chair...

In a maid outfit.

I almost had a nose bleed.

It had a short, frilly skirt with an apron and came with long gloves and a head piece.

But I wasn't fixated on the costume. No, under the skirt, Kokichi was wearing black, lacey panties under the skirt.

I blinked and looked away, my face blushing. Shivering despite the heat my skin was giving off, I threw off the blanket and got up. I headed to the kitchen and made myself some coffee.

"Shuichiiiiiii! Where'd you go?"

I coughed.

He skipped over to me and pouted. "You should be in bed! And no coffee for you, you need to rest."

I shook my head. "I'm...fine now, but thanks for y-"

Kokichi whined. "Pleaase let me take care of you?"

"I just don't want you getting sick, Kokichi." I coughed again.

The purple haired boy held up a finger. "No way am I getting sick! I have your love to protect me!"

A red blush formed on my face. I sighed. "Uh. Sure."

Kokichi started rummaging around in the cupboard. He pulled out the cough medicine I had bought him when he was sick and put some on a spoon.

"C'mon Shuichi, if you won't let me take care of you, at least take some of this!"

He held it out, bringing it to my lips. I, grudgingly, opened my mouth. The artificial grape flavor made my tongue slick. Kokichi pulled the spoon out and put a hand on my forehead.

"God, you're burning up!"

I nodded.

"Well, why don't you go to bed and sleep some more? I know you might not feel like it, but trust me, you'll feel better."

"Um, sure."

 

The next time I woke, Kokichi didn't have the maid outfit on (Thank god, I thought, yet still felt a bit of disappointment). He was cuddling me. I felt significantly better, but the day was almost over. The orange light poured in through the blinds.

Kokichi stirred, opening his eyes and smiling. I almost had a heart attack at how beautiful he was, with his almost unnoticeable freckles and his long eyelashes.

"Hey, baby. Are you still sick?" He purred.

I still blushed when he called me pet names. "Uh, I don't think so..."

"It's gonna rain, y'know. When the sun's still out! How amazing is that?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Would you like to go outside?"

He gasped. "Hell yeah!"

We stumbled out of bed, throwing on sweaters and exchanging kisses. I snatched an umbrella and we walked out, holding hands. 

Trying to avoid the campus, I steered us to a park nearby.

The sight was beautiful, with the dark clouds painted orange and the sky a pink and orange mix. The sun was hiding behind a cloud or two, but only by a little bit. The trees were softly swaying, and there was a light drizzle.

We sat down on a bench and talked about many things, from what the professors are like at school to music. It seemed like only 10 minutes, but I looked up and saw that the sun had set a long time ago. The stars were out and it started raining hard.

I pulled out the umbrella and Kokichi and I walked back, grinning the entire time. 

Until we reached the campus.

The night made it seem a little bit creepier, with the shadows slanted and more defined. I heard thunder and felt Kokichi jump. We were heading to the dorms when I noticed graffiti on a wall.

Usually, it wouldn't catch my attention, but it wasn't writing. No, it was a drawing of something.

It was a picture of someone smiling while hanging himself.

With my hat and clothes. And hair.

And a huge chest.

Dread coarsed through me, and I stopped. With shaky legs, I walked up to it and stared at it more. It seemed familiar, yet all together a different thing.

"Shuu?" I heard faintly. Kokichi was next to me, with a worried expression on his face.

"U-Uh, it's..." My voice shook as I pointed to the drawing.

He looked at it and gasped. Then, after a moment or so of observing with a scared face, he took my hand and walked me back to our dorm. The entire way, his face was angry and he was muttering things.

We sat down at his bed and he took my hands. "I'm going to find who ever did that, okay? And they'll be sorry...."

"I-It's okay, really, I-" I started, but he cut me off.

"No, Shuichi, it's not."

"Seriously! I don't r-really care."

"Yes you do. You're pale. And stuttering."

I looked away as a tear slipped from my eye.

"I will find who ever did that. They'll never, ever hurt you again. I promise."

"You d-don't have to. And you shouldn't, it's just a drawing."

Kokichi frowned, then sighed. "Fine. If it happens again though, someone is getting hurt."

I nodded.

"Okay. Then let's get warmed up, hm? How does a shower sound?" He said, lightening the mood with a goofy grin.

"Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it gets interesting from now on i promise.
> 
> seriously, though, i feel horrible about how long it's been. there's been a lot of personal issues going on and i'm sorry. truly.
> 
> and thank you all for the support!!!! we're getting to some dramatic stuff so stay tuned :)


	21. Nineteen

The next week, classes started again. It was around 9am, and Kokichi claimed he didn't have any classes until later, so I let him sleep.

Classes weren't fun, but I still maintained good grades. The day was so slow I was frustrated by my third class, then I remembered I had only one more class, which meant more time to spend with Kokichi.

Sadly, though, when I got to our dorm and yelled "I'm back!", no one was there. Just a note on the back of the door that said that he would be in class until later that night.

I huffed out of more frustration, but decided to call Kaito and see if he wanted to hang out.

"Hey, bro! What's up man?" He said.

"Hi, Momota-kun... Uh, are you busy? I have some free time."

Kaito hummed for a second. "Not much, just by myself. Maki Roll is at the doctor and she doesn't want me there, wanna swing by my dorm?"

"Yeah, sure. I was planning to ask anyways, because Kokichi is still in class." I put a dark coat on and hung up on the call. Passing a few other dorm rooms, I finally reached his and knocked.

The door opened to reveal Kaito, with a goofy smile. "Hey, Saihara."

"Hey, Momota-kun," I said, intimidating his deeper voice.

He stepped aside to let me in, and I noticed that his dorm was neat, which was unexpected of him. It also smelled like cinnamon.

"How's your room so...clean?" I asked, accidentally coming off as rude.

"Ah, yeah. It's my roommate. He flips out if it's messy, so I try to keep it nice for him."

I nodded. "Ah, that makes sense."

We sat down and turned on the TV, but instead of paying attention we talked.

"So, um, how's Harukawa-san doing?" 

"She's alright. It's around her 9th to 10th week, I'm guessin', so her pains are getting worse. Of course, I still feel them too. It's not very pleasant, let's say," Kaito smiled, giving off a mock shudder.

"Has she decided to keep the baby?" 

He frowned a little. "We talked about it last night and she said she'd let me know after this appointment."

"Oh. Well, I hope she decides to keep it."

"Me too. I can't wait to have a family of my own..." He smiled again. "Speakin' of which, would you mind keeping a secret?"

I smiled. "Of course not."

"I'm gonna ask Maki Roll to marry me soon," Kaito took a small black box out of his pocket and opened it, revealing a beautiful diamond ring.

"Really?!" I gasped, admiring it. 

He nodded and looked like he was about to explode with pride. Just then, his ancient Blackberry gave out a ding. He checked it and stood up.

"Oh, Maki Roll's appointment is over. She wants me to pick her up. Would you mind waiting? She's been dying to talk to someone, but she'd never admit it out loud." 

I nodded. "Yeah. Do you wan't me to go back to my dorm room or..."

"You can stay here if you want! Help yourself to anything you'd like."

"Um, okay," I said, and just like that he was gone.

I stared at the fabric of my pants, focusing on every inhale and exhale. I didn't know how long I stayed there for, but at some point the door opened.

"Momota-kun, I'm home!" I heard a French accent say. I got up to see a guy with green hair and many piercings.

"Um, Momota-kun isn't here right now..." I said quietly. His head turned to me and his gorgeous eyes met mine. 

"Ah, hello! You must be the infamous Shuichi Saihara. Momota-kun talks about you a lot. We're roommates," He said. His accent was lovely.

I nodded. "Y-Yeah, that's me... What's, uh.... what's your name?"

"Rantaro Amami, Ultimate Traveler." He smiled, causing my face to blush.

"Um, nice to meet you."

I noticed how his hair curled like Kokichi's, yet it somehow seemed more tame. His skin was tan and his teeth were white and shiny. Rantaro's eyes were beautiful, and he had small green freckles. 

The door opened again and I jumped. I hadn't realized I'd been staring.

"Hey Amami-kun! How was class?" Kaito walked in, holding Maki's hand. She nodded in my direction, which caused me to wave back awkwardly.

"Same as always. I was just about to leave for the library. Sorry for leaving so soon!" Rantaro waved, grabbing his bag and walking out of the door.

Maki sat down next to me and Kaito remained standing.

"How are you doing, Harukawa-san?" I asked.

She closed her eyes momentarily. "Fine," She said coldly.

Kaito sat down next to her. "Maki Roll, have you made your mind up?"

"Yes."

He looked at her expectantly.

"I've decided that we're going to keep it." She sighed.

He jumped up and pumped his fists together. "Yes! Oh my god, Maki Roll, thank you!"

"Under one condition."

Kaito nodded. "Anything!"

"You get a job," Maki glared at him.

He gulped, but nodded. "Of course."

I smiled. "Uh, it's kind of late. I think I'll be heading back to my dorm. Congrats."

Kaito was practically glowing. "Alright, sidekick!"

Maki looked up at me. "Bye."

I wandered back slowly, and opened the door. Surely Kokichi was back by now? 

No. He wasn't. I sighed and hopped into bed, wishing for him to come back.

 

At some point, I had heard someone come in the dorm and I woke up. Kokichi was climbing into his bed, instead of mine. I was about to say something, but he seemed tired. I shrugged and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a03 is a bitch to me and i got some fanarts but it won't let me put pics here but they're on my wattpad i guess
> 
> anyways thanks for reading!!!


	22. Twenty

Through the next few weeks, Kokichi hardly was at the dorm. He'd come into my arms at around 2AM, yawning. I kept asking him what he was doing, but he said it wasn't any of my business.

The only times we'd talk, he'd be snappier than usual and almost annoyed.

I felt horrible.

Kaito, though, was thrilled, because then I got to hang out with him and Maki more.

And Rantaro.

We'd usually study or talk in their dorm, meaning I got to talk to the green haired avocado. He was very interesting, coming from France. He knew fluent English, French, Japanese, and even Spanish.

Most of the time, Maki was busy with ultrasounds, Kaito with his new job, or studying. So Rantaro was who I talked most with.

It was about a month into this, and both Kaito and Maki were gone. The green haired boy was helping me study for exams, when he snaked his hand around my waist.

I almost spit out the tea I was drinking.

"Oh, sorry Saihara-kun," He said, pulling his arm back and rubbing the back of his head. 

I felt bad. "No, it's okay. I was just... surprised..."

I had liked it, though. Maybe I was touch starved.

I missed Kokichi.

"I...liked it."

Oh god am I stupid.

He smiled, with his wonderful teeth and his little dimples. "Okay. Just making sure." Rantaro put his arm back around my waist, and I leaned into him.

"You're cute," He said after a few minutes.

I blushed. "I'm n-not, really..."

Rantaro shut his book and faced me. "Why wouldn't you be?"

I shrugged, not feeling up to talking.

We studied for a bit, or at least I tried and failed because  _oh my sweet lord he smells like vanilla and god it's adorable._

At some point, after that, he moved me so I was sitting on his lap. I almost screamed, but I didn't because it would've surely ruined the moment. 

I felt bad about doing this to Kokichi, but I was rather mad at him.

Rantaro's hands brought me back to the present by running them through my hair. He tugged lightly, causing me to blush even more.

Just then, my phone chimed and I got a text from Kaito. 

space boy

Heya! Im almost done wit work :P

ok, thanks.

amami-kun and i are studying

Ohhhh!! Rite!! Examzz!!

Mind if i join u guyz?

 

"Momota-kun is almost done with work, and when he comes back, he'd like to study with us. Would you like to?" I said, trying not to fall asleep.

He hummed, lifting his hands from my hair and lightly tracing star patterns into my skin (I got shivers and it felt wonderful). "Na. Let's go to the library."

I nodded, shot a quick text at Kaito telling him where'd we be, and we gathered our things. Well, it was more of Rantaro carrying everything and me following (I secretly wondered if he had abs, but pushed the thought away).

We got there, and claimed a table that was behind many shelves in the back. I discreetly thought of what would happen, but forced myself to work.

About 10 minutes in, Rantaro just... stared at me. He set down at his textbook and stared with his lovely green eyes.

"You really are beautiful."

I almost squeaked. "No!"

He rested his head on his hand. "How so?

"I'm really not, I... I-I'm gross and my hair is weird, uh... I'm too feminine, and I don't keep up with my hygiene much," I babbled, waving my hands around. Rantaro grabbed them and started kissing them.

"Ahh?!" I exclaimed.

He moved up my arms, all the way, until he reached my lips. His breath was hot on my lips, and I pretty much died. He leaned in and kissed me.

_I don't want this, what about Kokichi? I still love him, even if I'm mad and I don't want this, Rantaro..._

My thoughts were rushing, but suddenly it felt really good to have someone kiss me and I put it in the back of my mind.

He kissed down, down, and to soothe myself I imagined it was Kokichi, with his little purple hair and the lovely ring around his head.

 

 

 

Rantaro had left and taken his things, leaving me by my lonesome (my ass hurt). I finished studying and packed up my things. 

Impulsively, I decided to text Kokichi.

kokichi <3

hey, are you ok?

i hardly see you anymore,,,

call me when you can?

please?

im sorry for being annoying,

i just wanted to see if you were ok!!!!

 

I decided that he probably wasn't going to text back, no matter how much I would try. I didn't want to be annoying, so I decided to leave it alone.

When I got back to my lonely dorm, I fell asleep and didn't bother taking my shoes off.

 

I woke up later, hearing Kokichi walk in. I jumped out of bed and confronted him.

"Hey, are you okay?"

He yawned. "Yeah. And..?"

I stepped back, almost as if he had hit me. "I'm j-just worried about you."

The purple haired boy frowned. "I'm sure you are. Especially with what you did with  _Amami-chan._ "

I froze.

"Yeah, I know all about that." He turned to leave, but I grabbed his shoulder.

"W-Wait! Kokichi, please, I'm s-sorry! I've just... I miss you so m-much... it's been lonely with you gone all the t-time!" My voice shook.

He tsked. "You're just like him."

"I'm- wait, who is  _him?_ "

"No one. I'm sleeping at a friend's dorm tonight."

Kokichi slammed the door, and not only did a photo of us fall and shatter, but my heart did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst? yeah.
> 
> so. i attempted suicide and it didn't work : (
> 
> and i'm really upset so writing this made me feel better
> 
> ily guys so much and i promise to finish it.


	23. Twenty One

I noticed my gradual decrease in happiness easily. Yes, I had been taking my pills. But after the fight with Kokichi, nothing felt right. Even with Rantaro, who I continued to see to soothe my loneliness, I wasn't happy. Kokichi had stopped even sleeping in the dorm rooms, meaning I had it all to myself.

Things went right back to how they were before he got here.

Hanging out with Kaito and Maki wasn't as fun, because of all the studying and baby preparation and doctor visits they were doing. And, Rantaro was studying a lot too. It was reasonable, due to upcoming exams, but I wished someone would spend time with me.

There were a lot of small, subtle drawings of me hanging around the school. I didn't do anything about it, either. Notes were being slipped under my door, telling me to die. Still, I didn't do anything, just crumpled them up and cried for a bit.

I confronted Kaede at some point while we were studying, filling her in about what was going on with Kokichi (ignoring the parts about the drawings).

"Well, that sounds... unusual? I mean, he's usually so happy, right? And there doesn't seem to be any reason why he's ignoring you." I nodded, pulling my hat down.

I hadn't wore it in a long while, but I had forgotten how good it felt to not have to maintain eye contact when talking to someone.

She frowned. "You should talk to him, then."

"I haven't seen him in about a week. He d-doesn't sleep in our dorm..." 

"Don't you have his phone number?" Kaede asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But it's a bit lame to talk to him over text about something this important."

"Then ask to meet him somewhere!"

"Ah, y-yeah, that might work." I gathered my books and put them in my bag, then started walking away. "Thanks, Akamatsu-kun!"

She called to me. "Anytime!"

Just then, Miu strutted by and practically laid down on Kaede. I heard them whisper and confer, but continued to walk. 

I got to the, or rather,  _my_  dorm, getting my phone. Then I realized that Kokichi had left his phone. 

"Well, that just ruins about everything, doesn't it?!" I hissed, almost throwing it against a wall, but then it turned on with a notification.

Curiosity and respect of privacy battled inside my mind, when finally I decided to look. I opened his phone will ease (he didn't have a password), and found a group chat with 10 other people labeled DICE. The other people didn't have contact names, they were all numbered 1-10. 

Weird.

I scrolled to the beginning of yesterday's conversation and began reading.

**DICE**

 

1: Well?????? Progress report, sir???

Me: it's going great.

4: That's great to hear!! ≧◡≦

Me: remind me again why i'm doing this??

9: No Asking Questions.

Me: right.

3: Its ok!!!!! Its gonna b done soon :)

Me: it's just that, this is super duper boring if i don't know what's going on.

Me: and if i get bored i usually quit :P

5: Jesus fucking christ, Ouma-kun.

5: Its a wonder u havent dropped out

9: Enough. Return Back To Work.

 

Suddenly, the door flung open and I heard someone shuffling. I placed the phone back where it was supposed to be and went to my desk to study.

Kokichi walked in.

I was about to say something, but all he did was grab his phone, then he was gone again. 

 _There's something more to this,_ I thought.  _I have to get to the bottom of this._

I adjusted my hat and sat down at my desk. Studying was difficult because of how distracted I was. I cursed Kokichi for ever coming into my life, then regretted it.

When I finally got done, I cleaned up my books and ran to the library. Rantaro had wanted to talk about something, which made me anxious and excited both at the same time.

I spotted the green haired man sitting down in our usual table, on his phone. He then looked up and smiled sweetly.

"Hey, Saihara-kun." I sat down next to him and nodded to him.

Rantaro fiddled a bit with his hands. "Uh, so I wanted to talk to you about...us..."

"Oh." It was weird to see him being a nervous wreck. My heartbeat increased as thoughts ran through my head.  _Ohgodhedoesn'tlikemeanymorewaitno-_

"And, well, I really like you. I'd like to go out with you," He said simply.

I blinked. "What about Kokichi-kun?" 

"I'm well aware of him. But he isn't being a good boyfriend to you. You deserve better."

Now I fiddled with my hands. "I d-don't, really."

He shook his head. "Yes, you do. What if we just went on one date? Kind of like a test. If you don't want to afterwards, that's perfectly fine."

Kokichi's face flashed in my head. Would I be throwing that away? Forget everything we'd been through?

Then I thought, he doesn't  **care about me anymore**. Rantaro was sweet, thoughtful, and god I was so touch starved I didn't care.

 

 

 

And yet, Kokichi was sweet too.

 

**At first _._**

****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I inhaled. "Sure. I'm free this weekend."

He smiled, his face lighting up. "You wont regret it." Rantaro stood up and bowed, kissed my cheek, then was gone.

I touched the cheek he had kissed and smiled.

 

The weekend came slow. Painfully slow.

Rantaro texted me that it was a bit formal, and that we'd meet at his dorm. He also said if I didn't have anything nice to wear then I could borrow something of his.

I arrived at 5:40pm, and I knocked at the door. Rantaro walked out wearing a simple blouse and vest, with dress pants and shoes.

"Ah, hello Saihara-kun," He said sweetly.

"Hi," I said. 

He let me in and gently took my hand, dragging me to his closet. He had lots of things, but in the end I settled for one of his black turtlenecks. It was about two sizes too big, but it smelled like Rantaro.

He held my hand when we walked out of his dorm room, when we heard a voice.

"What's going on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who do you think said that? :)
> 
> anyways this is kind of a light vent? it's still apart of the story but i accidentally let a bit of my own personal things fall into it. opps!!!
> 
> anyways we have between 5 and 10 chapters left!! :,)
> 
> ok bye ily all so much!!!!!!!!!


	24. Side Chapter

I watched as Shuichi walked off. Miu sat herself on my lap, brushing my hair with her hands.

"Hey, wanna make out in a closet somewhere? I'm kind of horny-" She started, but I cut her off.

"No time. I have Commercial Musics in about five minutes, but I need to know about Ouma-kun. So, what'd you learn?"

Miu pouted a bit, so I kissed her cheek, then she began talking. "U-Um, well, he was blackmailed, by these ten wackos that dress like clowns. They wanted him to lead them, and that Poo-ichi was a distraction. You'd better thank the Amazing Miu Iruma and her inventions, by the way!"

She tried pulling out an invention, but I stopped her again. "Thanks, babe. I need to go, but honestly you're the best. Dinner at my place?"

"Mm, alright," She said.

I kissed her lips this time, then snatched my bag and walked off. Miu yelled something like, We'd better have sex later then! and I smiled. While I walked to the lecture hall, I texted Saihara quickly.

 

After class was over, and after a piano lesson, it was about 5:00pm. I got into a red dress and put on some make up. Miu entered just a second after I was done. She was wearing a much shorter pink dress with fishnet leggings.

"You're lucky I love you. I don't dress up like this for just anyone, y'know."

I giggled and took her hand. "That's good then, I'd be jealous if it was for anyone else."

We walked out, going to a restaurant.

Once we sat down, we ordered waters and talked. Talked about nothing really, from classes to people to music. I adored listening to Miu talk, even it were dirty comments about how she'd love to tear off my dress and-

"Your dinner, ma'ams." The waitress said, bringing us food.

I thanked her. It seemed like Miu was going to make some kind of comment, but she shut her mouth and muttered a thank you.

We ate in silence. When we were done, we went back to my dorm. I got a text from my roommate saying she wasn't going to be there tonight, so we were able to cuddle in peace. Every now and then one of us would kiss each other, but other then that we sat in silence.

"I love you," I said drowsily.

She kissed me on the cheek. "I do too, Kaede."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly this is really short but it's a side chapter
> 
> now we know whats happening with ouma!!!! the next chapter is coming out as late as friday. it's long 
> 
> (420 words) :))))


	25. Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> violence tw

(violence tw)

Rantaro's hands were warm. The entire walk to, well, somewhere, was with holding hands. It wasn't very entrancing until I turned to him and imagined purple hair.

"We're here," The green haired boy said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I nodded. It was a 1970's themed diner. The sun was setting and we walked inside, taking a booth. We looked through the menu.

There seemed to be someone a few booths in front of us that seemed familiar to me, but then a waitress walked up and asked what drinks we wanted.

"A water for me, please," Rantaro said.

I was about to order a water as well, but something compelled me to choose against it.

"Grape Panta, please."

She nodded, wrote it down, then shuffled off. The green haired boy sitting across from me smiled.

"I didn't know you had a sweet tooth."

I shrugged.

The lady returned and set down our drinks. I sipped mine, relishing the taste and remembered that was how Kokichi's lips tasted.

"Wow, they even have a jukebox here! They went full on '70's, yeah?" He said.

I nodded disinterestedly. The other guy a few booths away was more interesting. Then, he turned around, and it was Kokichi. My heart dropped.

It was the first time I had seen him since the argument we had. He looked horrible, with his already messy hair even messier. He had dark bags under his eyes, and he looked bored.

He was sitting there with about ten other people. One of them, a mature looking woman with a clown mask on, whispered something in his ear. He glanced back at me, then smiled and started talking and laughing.

I looked back at my hands until the waitress returned once more to get our orders. I wasn't very hungry, but still ordered some teriyaki. I didn't quite catch what Rantaro ordered because of the thoughts that were running through my head.

_Who were those people?_

_Why was Kokichi with them?_

_What did I do wrong?_

We waited until our order came, with Rantaro on his phone. I kept eyeing Kokichi, hoping he'd turn back, but all I saw was the back of his head, and that saturn ring.

I had always wondered, what even was that? How did it happen? What caused it?

I continued this thought process until my food was set down in front of me. Rantaro laughed as I jumped.

"Zoning out?"

"I guess," I said sheepishly.

He started eating his food, so I took to eating mine. I sipped my drink and my heart tugged at how Kokichi could be so close, yet metaphorically so far from me.

We made light conversation, but it was mostly silent as we ate. Finally,  _finally_ , we finished and I thought we could leave. I was about to stand up when the waitress walked by and Rantaro ordered a milkshake.

The lady walked away. "Oh, sorry, did you not want one?"

"Ah, uh, it's okay."

Rantaro turned his head to Kokichi and scowled.

"Sorry, but I don't really understand what you saw in him."

I wanted to punch him, but instead I curled my fingers up and bit my tongue until I tasted blood. Then, I swallowed and smiled a bit.

"Yeah, I suppose he's unusual. To be honest, I don't know what I saw either."

Kokichi literally snapped his head towards us, in a way that almost made me laugh. I had just lied, and he heard it. He must have heard everything, then. Good.

I put my hand across the table and on top of his resting one. "Thanks for taking me here, I'm having a great time."

The green haired boy smiled. "That's good to hear."

Feeling bold with Kokichi watching, I leaned across the table and kissed him. The waitress returned with two straws and a milkshake, and Rantaro put them in. We sipped through straws and looked at each other. 

I sneaked a few glances at Kokichi, but he was frowning and had turned back to his friends. Then, they all stood up and left.

My heart ached, so I finished a bit more of the milkshake and let Rantaro finish it.

I tried to pay, insisting it was no trouble at all, but he swiftly made his way to the front, saying that because he was the one who invited me, that he was paying.

When we finished, another student I had seen on campus before walked in. He was the Ultimate Robot. It was rather unusual of a robot to be learning at a college, but he was like a human, where as he grew up he learned more. 

He had white hair, with a black streak coming down from each eye, and a bulk that made him fit into the robot category. 

"Who is that?" Rantaro said, his mouth hanging open.

I blinked. "Kiibo Idiashi."

The avocado haired boy seemed to now be in a dazed state. "Um, you can go outside. I need to use the bathroom."

It was a horrible excuse.

"If you want to talk to him, you can just say so," I said, exiting the diner.

I looked into the windows and saw them talking and smiled sadly.

There were rain clouds in the sky, but it hadn't rained yet. The sun had already set, but I continued back to the college by myself.

As I was walking, the loneliness of it sank in.

Really, who gets dumped right before their first date is over?

It wasn't like I had liked Rantaro in that way, but he made me feel at least a bit better. I was probably going to loose him as a... whatever he was, but I didn't really care.

I  _did_  care about, at the very least, Kokichi's friendship.

God, I missed him.

He made me... feel.

I was walking through an alleyway as the rain started. It came down hard.

There was a flash of lightening and nine people were waiting for me.

Confusion was the only thing I felt until I saw their masks.

 _These must be those people Kokichi has been hanging out with!_ I thought.

"Do you know why Kokichi is acting weird?" I called. They remained silent, only walking forward together.

One of them ran, though, and kicked me in the knee. I fell to the ground. It felt like an out of body experience. I hardly didn't feel the pain, and I didn't even cry.

They kicked me, hit me, then just as they walked away, one of them spit on me.

I lied there, clutching my wounds as the pain started coming through. 

Finally, when I couldn't stand it, I screamed.

And cried.

And yelled.

" **Why, Kokichi?** "

Then, I lost my voice, and slowly picked myself up. I made my way over to the wall, leaning against it and felt the rain pelt me with force.

I walked, feeling my leg howl with agony as I heard a crunch. And another one, and another as I stepped down with my right foot.

It hurt.

I didn't stop as I walked and walked, resisting the urge to cry or scream or anything.

The rain was still coming down hard when I finally reached my dorm room. I stripped off my clothes, seeing the bruises that littered my skin. I got into the bathtub, noticing how my foot was dark purple and it looked like it had snapped.

I stared at the wall until the water was freezing, then got out and collapsed onto my bed.

Tomorrow, I would go to a doctor. Right now, though?

I was too tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya girl ANXIOUS!! she, a lesbian, said yes to a guy who asked her out!! and he's been known to harass girls! so yeah. i wasn't really planning that last part but it felt good to write it : )


	26. Twenty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self harm :)

I kept waking up, trying not to move my foot, but sleep was useless. Asamui was meowing at me, trying to get attention, but I stood up and let her go run around outside. She knew how to hunt.

 At some point, I was so sick of the pain I stood up and walked to the nearest doctor's, which was about a mile away. I guess it was around 3am, though, because the nurses weren't very happy about me being there. Still, though, they let me in.

When I was done filling out a clipboard, I checked my phone and saw I got a text from Kaede, right after I saw her a few days ago.  _Why didn't I see it sooner?_ I thought, cursing my slow phone.

**Akamatsu-san**

Hey!!~ Miu just told me what's up with Kokichi.

really???

Yeah!! It's this freaky organization called DICE.

They made him their leader, and said you were some sort of distraction 

to Ouma-kun.

oh

 

"Right this way, Saihara-san." I ignored the pain and walked into the room. It smelled of anti-septic, which made sense. I sat down on the bed with the stupid paper that crinkled anytime you moved in the slightest.

The nurse pulled out a clipboard and looked at it. "So, what seems to be the problem?"

I took off my sock (because it had hurt too much to even attempt putting a shoe on), and the nurse's eyes widened.

"Oh, my. How did this happen?"

I held my breath. "Um, I fell down some stairs and my ankle landed wrong." Yeah,  _that_  was convincing. 

She squinted at it. "It looks like the bone snapped, but I can't be too sure until we get a doctor to inspect it and do an X-ray. He'll be here soon, just sit still." I nodded and she left.

Then, my phone chimed with the ringtone I set for my Uncle.

"Shuichi. Why are you at a hospital?" He said immediately after I pressed accept call.

"Oh, uh..." I decided to stick to what I told the nurse. "I fell wrong down some stairs, on my ankle."

"Whatever, just don't let it interfere with your studies," he sighed, then hung up.

I stared into the reflection of my screen and all I saw was a greasy haired boy with horrible make up on. Why didn't I take I off after the date? The nurse must have thought I was gross.

Quickly, I wiped it off and discovered it was easily gone. I exhaled, just as the door opened.

"Hello, Saihara-san, I am Kiibo Idabashi. You appear to have an injured ankle, so it says on these papers." My heart nearly stopped. This was the robot that Rantaro basically fell head over heels for.

Thankfully, though, I suppose he didn't recognize me. "Um, yes."

He looked up. "And it says you fell down some stairs and your ankle landed wrong?"

I nodded. 

"We'll take a look at it with an X-ray. Lucky for you, we have an X-ray generator right above you. Just lie back, okay?"

Again, I nodded and I lied back.

He brought something down and told me to be as still as I could, but if I had any questions I could voice them.

"Uh, how did you start working here?" I asked.

He was focused on his work, but responded anyways. "I'm sort of an intern, but it's a bit more complicated... My inventor owns this hospital and I've been learning about these things ever since I was young."

"C-Cool... Do you go to XXX University?"

"Yes. I know you do, as well. We should "hang out" sometime, as people call it."

"Sure."

He finished, then left to go get the results. I was left alone, again. With the little time I had, I checked my phone. Nothing. I shot a text to Kokichi for the fifth time today, but I should've known it was pointless.

Kiibo then returned, and sat down next to me.

He began pointing out some things I didn't pay attention to.

"...And here, your bone snapped, so I'm guessing about six weeks on crutches, unless that's too difficult, then you could use a wheelchair, and..."

I nodded aimlessly. Finally,  _finally,_ he put a cast on and gave me crutches. I exited as fast as I could, because I had felt my phone buzz, and ring the special tone Kokichi had set for his contact on my phone.

**Kokichi-chan!!!!! ^^**

i hate you

kokichi?

kokichi????????

why??

please explain!! we can get through this together!!!

is there anything i can do??

please

kokichi please

darling i love you

you could die.

thats what you could do

we're over, by the way

 

For the second time, my heart broke. I walked back clutching my phone, my mind blank and everything was numb. 

My chest felt so heavy, and it hurt so much. I didn't even register the pain of the phone in my hands cracking and the glass shattering. I hardly realized the blood on my hands.

I sat down on my bed that smelled so much of Kokichi. Everything reminded me of him. Every object in the room, every  _breath_ I took made me ache, physically ache for him.

Why couldn't he show his stupid face up?! Who the fuck breaks up over text?!

Before I realized it, my body had stood up and I was reaching for a carving knife. I stopped myself. Yes, I was angry, but did that give me a right to hurt him back?

Whatever.

What  _fucking_ ever.

I took the knife and rolled up my sleeves in a brisk fashion, then cut so deep. I continued, not stopping until both my wrists and arms were dripping with blood and covered in cuts.

 _Hopefully I died of blood loss_ , was the only thought I had as I cleaned up and covered my arms in bandages. Just as I was drifting to sleep, I thought. Why did I put on bandages? I wanted to die, dammit! 

I sighed and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self indulgent,, opps!!!!
> 
> quick question, would anybody like a chapter in kokichi's perspective?? it isn't relevant to the story but it might explain some stuff in more depth than what i was originally going with.
> 
> yes?
> 
> no?
> 
> also, as i'm posting this, i'm at 4k reads! this story has reached 4,000+ people!!! i'm literally amazed tbh,, anyways sorry for even more angst i am literally loving it :)


	27. Soulmate AU Facts

1\. If your soulmate is injured, you will be injured too. You will not bleed, but there will be a mark of that injury. (burn, bruise, scar, ect.)

2\. If your soulmate feels any kind of mental or emotional pain, you will feel it too.

3\. If your soulmate feels pleasure of any kind, you will feel it too.

4\. You do not have to love your soulmate back, but there will be intense agony if you don't.

5\. Once your soulmate dies, you won't feel any emotion or pain.

6\. After you are 30 years old, if you haven't met your soulmate, you don't have one.

7\. Soulmates share the same fingerprints and heartbeat.

8\. Songs stuck in your head have been sung by your soulmate that day.

9\. Soulmates share the same afterlife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just something for you guys while i'm working on some other stuff.


	28. Twenty Four

I was... tired.

 

Exams had finished, thank god. I hadn't seen much of DICE (or Kokichi, obviously), nor of Kaito and Maki. I had seen Rantaro a bit to study, but he seemed distracted. I figured it was Kiibo.

My ankle had been getting better as well. It was slowly healing, and in around 3 weeks I'd be off crutches. People didn't really care, to be honest, all those times I set down a crutch wrong and fell to the floor.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Kaede told me. This DICE didn't want me because I was a distraction to Kokichi? Why did they have so much against me?

I wanted to tell someone so bad, but there wasn't anything I could do. The police would laugh, seeing as I had no evidence whatsoever.

One day I was lying in my dorm studying when Asamui came in through the window.

"Ah, hey girl," I said softly. She crawled over to me and dropped a dead snake on the floor. "Aw, thanks."

I picked it up carefully and put it in a bag, along with the other dead animals she'd presented to me. I didn't dare throw them away in front of her; she was so proud of herself and her hunting.

When I sat back down, Asamui snuggled up next to my arm. I felt something, and looked to see that under her collar was a note.

It had Kokichi's handwriting, in purple pen. With only five words...

And oh how powerful they were.

_Park. At 11pm. Dress nice._

My heart raced in my chest. Finally! 

I abandoned my studying and checked my closet for something nice. I found the boots he had gotten me, and some simple pants and shirt. I laid them out for later and excitedly kept checking the time, then my phone. 

Asamui fell asleep on my lap, and my skin felt fever hot. My eyes were burning, but I forced myself to keep them open. Finally, I closed my eyes for a moment.

 

Well, it felt like a moment. A minute at the most. But it was 11:21pm.

I scrambled up, throwing on the clothes I had planned and rushing out. Thank god Asamui had left, she would've been mad if I had gotten up with her on my lap like that. While I was limping as fast as I could (because I forgot my crutches and was seriously regretting it), I checked my phone. Nothing.

The park wasn't too far away. The streetlights were on and the sky was dark. Asamui had decided to follow me this time, keeping up with my slow pace.

Finally, we got to a bench over looking a lake and sat down. She had placed herself on my lap again and mrrowed at me, pawing at my hands. I strained to hear things other than the crickets and cicadas.

A branch was snapped behind me and I whipped my head around.

My heart skipped a beat...

It was Kokichi.

I wanted to get up and hug him, or something, but my body couldn't move. Instead, he walked around my bench and picked up Asaumui. His skin brushed my sweatshirt, but even through the fabric I got chills as electricity pulsed through my body.

He pet Asamui and didn't say anything until he sat down. I noticed he was limping. Guilt shot through me, too. Why did soulmates work this way? It hurt me even more to know that he was also hurt. It's my fault, though, isn't it?

We stayed like that in silence. He looked tired, just like he did in the diner. Kokichi was wearing  a simple dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up and a tie. I felt silly, because he looked so... masculine. He hadn't shaved, either, so he had a small stubble on his chin.

I cleared my throat. "U-Um... What did you want to talk about..?"

Kokichi spared a glance at me. 

"What the fuck happened to your foot?"

 _That_ was unexpected. I almost laughed, then remembered it was his stupid group of clowns that did it. 

"Your...um, friends did it."

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. I forgot how hot he was, especially when he did that.

"Of course they would," He mumbled. "Sorry."

I shrugged. "Uh, it's fine."

We sat in silence for who knows how long. My limbs grew stiff, but I was still warm (I blamed this on my fever). I could hardly think properly; it was Kokichi! I needed to say something. My brain was fuzzy and I just wanted to sleep.

He got up and set Asamui down, then held out his hand to me. My heart almost stopped but I took it and we stumbled down together to the pond.

"I'm sorry about all this," I confessed. 

He waved his hand dismissively. It hurt my foot to stand up, but Kokichi seemed comfortable standing. He was staring into the lake sadly.

"No, I'm sorry..."

Then, some bushes nearby rustled and people in clown masks jumped out.

"Ouma-kun, what did we tell you?" One of them said, putting her hand on her hip.

Kokichi was still looking down.

"Go back to headquarters," another said.

I just stared.

He left, and I didn't feel anything. 

Not when they hit me, not when they pushed me into the pond, and especially when they yelled slurs and insulted me.

The cold of the lake wasn't enough to get my brain working correctly, so I sank.

Sank until my lungs ached and pleaded to go back up for air.

I swam up and saw no one was there, except Asamui. She was meowing loudly, so I slowly got out and grabbed her. I was getting her fur wet, but she didn't seem to care. She pressed herself against my jacket.

"Let's go home," I sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took too long i'm so sorry!! i've been preparing for my play coming up (opening night is tomorrow) but i had to get this done. 
> 
> things will get worse, but then they'll get better i promise.


	29. Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different perspective.

(Kokichi P.O.V.)

I cracked my knuckles for probably the tenth time. The tension hung in the air, choking me like... fog, I guess. The people surrounding me, I counted nine, awaited a response. One of them spoke again.

"Well? Do you accept the terms as leader?"

It was almost laughable. Almost.

"You're saying... you want me to leave the only person I've ever loved... to attempt and 'fix' society, and probably fail? Yeah, no," I said.

Another one, seemingly bald and very round, replied.

"What we're sayin' is if ya don't comply, we kill 'im."

Just now I noticed the masks. All clowns, which definitely not scary. It kind of ruined the atmosphere.

This time, I laughed. "Ha! Like I'd let you do that." I tried not to seem scared, or like I was curious. I was, but only wondering why they wanted _me._

A cold thing pressed against my neck. Ah, so there were ten. Someone was holding a knife to my neck. I shrugged, but my heart was beating so fast.

The only thing that surfaced on my mind was Shuichi.

Shuichi, the sweet, caring boy who had done so much for me. I couldn't stand the thought of him getting hurt or killed. He had tried to do it to himself before, so this would probably cause him pain...

But it was better than him dying.

Besides, I was already forming a plan to escape it. I'd do anything to defend him.

"Alright! Seems like you've gotten me. I give in, nishishi!"

 

 

Some time passed. I never learned their names, they went by numbers. I called them by the most distinctive thing of their appearance. For example, there was Bangs, Afro, Boobs, and so on. They didn't like me for it but seeing as I was stuck as their "leader" or whatever, I might as well have fun. 

We were in one of their dorm rooms (they blindfold me when they take me there) and suddenly, extreme pleasure took over my body. I loudly stated I was going to take a shit, and rushed quickly there. I hadn't gotten a boner, but suddenly I wanted to suck a dick, or something like that. Hands shaky and slick with sweat, I fished my phone out of my pocket and googled it.

Soulmates feel each other's pleasure, an article read.

Is Shuichi masturbating?

No, he had a hardly noticeable muscle on his right arm. I hadn't ever felt something like this, except when... he and I had sex.

My heart sank. Oh god, who was it with? 

The question stayed with me the entire week. I frequently got these "flashes" of it. They were gone pretty soon, but it made me mad. I was doing this to help save Shuichi, and this was how he was repaying me?

 

Exams had come and gone, and these "flashes" didn't stop. The 10 people, calling themselves DICE, had taken my phone. It had only been for about a day, but when I got it back, I had only ten contacts. They were, ironically enough, labelled one through ten. Shuichi's number had been deleted, but I knew it by heart so it didn't bother me too much.

Shuichi. The name I couldn't get out of my head.

I was so hurt, and upset. I was making a plan, but there were a few things I still needed to know. 

The DICE members had moved all my things to Three's, or Afro's, room. Well, almost. I had forgotten to mention all of the extra clothes in my closet. The ones that Kaito had called girly. 

Afro was easily manipulated. He was probably the weakest of the group. I told him I was going out, to which he looked upset but didn't say anything. I left, running and wanting to get this over with. 

I passed the library, where  I saw Rantaro and Shuichi. They were holding hands under the table, smiling occasionally at another. Bile grew in my throat, but at least now I knew who he was fucking with.

Reaching my, or Shuichi's dorm, was quick. I set down my phone and quickly gathered my clothes, then left. I dropped many clothes, so I had to go back a few times to get them.

One I had gotten back to Afro's dorm, I realized I left my phone. Afro was still awake, so I had to wait until he went to sleep to go back. The whole time, I hoped Shuichi wouldn't return to the dorm yet. 

He was taking forever to fall asleep. He kept talking and yapping about classes and such. It made me want to kick his face in and yell at him but I just nodded. Finally, when his eyes closed and his snores filled the room, I left.

I ran, and noticed the door was open a little. Asamui purred at my legs, but I picked up my phone. I was about to leave when I felt something watching me. My back prickled with unease, and I saw dull yellow eyes staring at me. I didn't say anything, just left.

 

DICE dragged me to a diner, because apparently I had been doing a good job. Yeah, right. All I had done so far was offer like three ideas to their stupid meetings. 

I reluctantly ate a few fries but pushed the rest away. I was too tired to eat. I saw green hair enter the diner, and almost looked away but then someone with dark raven hair and a glowing patches. My eyes were so blurry but I was able to tell that it was Shuichi.

I ignored him.

 

It was so fucking stupid. Being in love with another man was wrong. My parents had been right, DICE was right, everything. I wanted to give up as the stupid people who were controlling me molded me into being more "normal", as they called it.

Shuichi was cutting, I could tell from the familiar pains on my wrists, my thighs, and hips. And for some reason, my ankle ached so much.

All my pretty clothes and the little amount of make up I had salvaged were thrown away. Even the clothes I had bought Shuichi that I had mistook for mine, were gone. I stayed up coming up with ideas, but every time I had a good one it slipped my mind.

I was playing with the ring around my head in the late hours of the evening when Asamui, of all things, jumped in through Afro's window. An idea hit me so fast I sprang up and wrote down something, then folded it gently and stuck it in her collar. I petted her, gave her some food, and sent her off. I hoped Shuichi would get it....

 

After I walked back, I felt guilty about leaving him. I heard shouting and couldn't resist to peak through the bushes. Harsh pain dug into my skin just about everywhere as I saw Shuichi was getting hit, and my blood boiled.

Something had to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the time skips
> 
> my...sister read this....
> 
> she's never read smut before lol
> 
> everyone say hi rebecca :gun_emoji:
> 
> also it was my birthday


End file.
